Mothers Day

DISCLAIMER: I wrote this for our local paper, and it will be published next week, so please forgive the fact that I say that Mothers Day is past. Kthankx.

This past Sunday, as I’m sure you all know, was Mother’s day.

This Mother’s day, just like last, is bittersweet for me.

October of 2008, Carl and I found out we were pregnant. We were ecstatic. Our precious bundle of joy was due on June 20th, 2009. It would work out wonderfully! I would finish the semester (presumably my last) in May, and then have another month and a half to finish baking.

The Monday before Thanksgiving, we went to our first prenatal appointment, which would also be our first ultrasound. I had been spotting for a little bit, and I was extremely nervous. They did the ultrasound first, and as I was lying there on the examination table, my life changed forever.

They found the baby, but there was no heartbeat. I should have been 10 weeks pregnant, but the baby had stopped developing somewhere in the 8th week.

Devastation doesn’t begin to describe the pain that you feel when you are told that all your hopes, dreams, and plans are no longer going to take place. I think you can only understand that pain if you have lived it.

It was at that moment that I began dreading Mother’s Day. I should have been obesely pregnant and glowing on my first Mothers (or at least Mothers to be) day. Instead, I would be mourning the loss of my first child.

Fast forward to last Mother’s day. I was pregnant with Keevia, but only about 15 weeks along. I was still PETRIFIED that we were going to lose her too. Because miscarriage taints you. It makes your next pregnancy hell on earth because you overanalyze every single symptom. You don’t get to enjoy it like you would have if you weren’t tainted. You spend the entire time on pins and needles. So last Mothers Day, I was petrified and mourning. Not a pleasant way to spend your first Mothers day.

This Mother’s Day I have a 6 month old baby to celebrate with. And I will celebrate. I’ll be able to look at my darling daughter and know that I am being the best possible Momma to her that I can be. But, while I’m celebrating her life, I’ll still be mourning the baby that I never got to hold, the baby that I never got to be a Momma to. Keevia wouldn’t exist if I had kept that pregnancy, and although I can’t fathom that thought, I still wonder “What If?” sometimes. I still think “Oh, Peanut would have been x months old”.

So, this Mothers Day, or future Mother’s Days, since this one is past, if you know someone who has had a miscarriage, lost a child, or is having infertility problems, then say a little prayer for them. Send them a card that just says thinking of you. You don’t have to tell them why you’re thinking of them, they’ll know. Just take a minute to remember all the Mommas who are remembering a baby, or wishing for a baby, on this special day. Those are the Mothers we don’t remember enough, and don’t credit enough. I know Mommas who have never held their children this side of heaven, yet I still consider them a Mom. The world doesn’t, and this makes Mothers Day a very, very hard day for some people. So say a prayer for the Mommys who don’t have babies to wake them up at 6 am, or who won’t get breakfast in bed, or who have been able to conceive. Remember all Moms, not just the ones who have something to show for it.

MIA

I know I'm MIA.

I really don't want to be.

My daughter hasn't been sleeping well... although, after a chiropractic adjustment, she is today!!! She had been waking an hour after going down for the night, and then staying awake for 2-3 hours. We've also had some stress with my Dad getting sick, but he's getting better, and we at least know its not serious!

Also, two of my uncles have had surgeries in the last two weeks, and my Mom has taken both of them to Lexington for the operations... leaving me at home, alone, with the wee babe... trying to do laundry, dishes, and deal with the workmen.

Oh, what's that? What workmen?

I'll tell you.

The main reason I've not been blogging though?

MY HOUSE IS ALMOST DONE!

Carl and I purchased a double-wide house on April 19th, it was set last Friday, and this week they've been doing various other things. They installed the septic system today, as well as finishing fixing the drywall/sheetrock (are they the same things?), framed the doors, and repainted all the places the sheetrock had cracked.

We are SO freaking close... yet we're still so far away. It's driving us crazy. It's literally like 25 feet away from us... and we can't be IN it. Yet.

Hopefully the water and such will be hooked up tomorrow, the siding will be finished...then we're just waiting on electric and for them to put on the underpinning. It's coming along! As soon as they get everything out of our bedroom (which has been the central location for all the supplies), I'm going to paint it, and then start moving stuff in.

It has been a total God thing right from the start. The price was one we could afford for a HECK of a house. It's 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, full dry wall, nice kitchen, working wood fireplace... it's everything we wanted!

On top of that, today I got offered all the brick we would need for temporary steps. That saves us, oh, about $60.

Also, while we were shopping for baby food and cereal yesterday, I managed to get 3 gallons of paint. I paid $5 for the paint to paint my bedroom, $7 for the paint to paint my kitchen/dining room (under the chair rail) and $9 for a accent wall in Keevia's room. I AM SO FREAKING HAPPY.

I promise, daily blogs will be soon.

Smoochies!

Six Months

Let's take a pause and sob because my baby girl is six months old.

SIX MONTHS OLD.

That's half a year y'all. HALF A YEAR. I want to both laugh and cry at the same time. I honestly cannot believe that my baby is a half of a year old. It feels UNREAL.

This time last year, I was somewhere around 13 weeks pregnant. I had just seen my baby girl for the second time, and captured this cute video of her. Looking back... wow, I can't believe she is now 6 months old!!! I know I've said that already. But dang. Six months.

So, what are you up to baby girl?
- You're still in size 2 diapers
- You still fit into MOST 3-6 months clothes, but can comfortably wear 6-9
- We now know you are allergic to Kirklands, Pampers and Luvs diapers. I REALLY need to cloth diaper you.
- You had your first cold, and were PISSED OFF ROYALLY whenever Momma or Mamaw came near you with saline drops.
- You still wake up randomly at 4 am in the morning ready to play.
- You still eat ANYTHING we get close to your mouth. Except peas. Still not a pea fan. You can self-feed yourself some stuff, and you heart the cereal puffs like nothing else.
- Your favorite food is still banana's.
- You eat MUCH better for Mamaw than for MMomma.
- You ADORE water bottles. You want to play with them, and drink out of them, and then get it all over yourself.
- You love being worn. Which makes me happy.
- You're still a Momma's girl, although in the last month you HAVE let Mamaw put you to sleep for naps!
- You consistently roll over now! And are SO FREAKING CLOSE to sitting up unassisted. You can for around 30-45 seconds tops before you start to topple.
- You're starting to fall asleep in your carseat occasionally!
- Still no teeth!

I love you baby girl. As you continue to grow and mature, and break your Momma's heart... I'm so proud of you, and how much you're growing. I love sharing meals with you, I love hearing your squeals and your hearty laugh. I when you turn and open and close your hands to me. I love when you try to push my shirt up yourself because you cannot wait ANOTHER SECOND to nurse. I love when you cry and scream when someone's holding you, then turn and grin at them REALLY big once Mommy gets you. I just love you. More than I can express.

Love, Mommy

Let's recap

with a bullet post.

- I am a zombie right now. If spelling/grammar is bad, you have been warned.
- We took Keevie to her first opera on Saturday! Yes, I know I'm bat-**** crazy for taking a 5 1/2 month old to an opera, but she did really well! My sister was singing as 1st Lady in Mozart's "The Magic Flute", so we had to go! Keev only screamed once (and let me tell you, it was a GOOD scream), so we ran downstairs and met a very drunk, very gay, very tall man who made faces at the baby (and got her to stop crying!) and was VERY loud.
- Keevie is officially over puree's. She still eats them, but would much rather we just give her little bites of food. She's getting WAY to big WAY to quickly.
- She has a cold. No real fever, just a very stuffy nose, and a cough. She's not sleeping, like, at all at night...so neither am I.
- I'm a HORRIBLE mother. I set her in her bouncy, at 3 am when she's wide awake, and turn on a kids show, and TRY to go back to sleep.
- She rolled over again yesterday! Then wouldn't do it anymore.
- We closed on our house on Monday!!!!!! I seriously could NOT be more excited about this one! Unfortunately, it rained last night, so I don't know if they'll start dozer work today or not.
- Carl and I now have 5 more mouths to feed! Our cat (that Carl brought home) had five baby kittens on Sunday. We're planning on keeping 1 in our new house.
- I have a lot of stuff I want to post, just no brain power/time to post it.

Wordless Wednesday

Catch up on Keevia!

Well. Keevia seems to be growing soooo quickly (I know, every Momma says that), that I want to write down some of her achievements before I forget them.

As of yesterday, April 12th, Keevs could successfully roll from belly to back (and did so three times)!! I recorded her on her mat, on her belly, for 14 minutes. She did nothing. I then turned off the camcorder, got up, went and did laundry. I came back, she was on her back....grrr. So, I laid her on her belly again (camcorder on charge) and away she rolled! She wouldn't, however, show Daddy, Papaw, or Mamaw later that day. She did, however, roll over when I laid her on Mamaw's bed while I got clothes!

She also is no longer allowed to be on Mommy's bed unless Mommy is there, because she can turn herself 180 degrees and it scares me! She rolls belly to back, turns around in circles, she'll be crawling in NO time. *sniff*


She eats like a CHAMP. Seriously, anything Mommy eats she better be able to eat. Here's a list of all the things she has eaten (that I can remember):

Peas (DISLIKE. Only food she's turned down, haha, that's my girl!)
Green Beans
Carrots
Banana's (ZOMG she loves them)
Sweet Potatoes (another high on her list)
Mashed Potatoes
Shredded cheese (We were out to eat and she was BEGGING for my salad)
Pears (possible allergy)
Apples
Yeast Rolls
Subway Bread
Tirimisu (don't ask)
Ice cream
Butternut Squash
Oatmeal (Ok. She can eat "big people" oatmeal, but baby oatmeal makes her spit up)
Rice Cereal (Can't eat it. She screams.)
Peppermint Candy
Rice MumMum's
Banana and PeachMango Cereal Melt thingies
Apple juice with Water
Popcorn

I THINK that's all. She puts it away! And she's sooo cute when she wants something. She grabs my water bottles in both hands and takes them straight to her mouth. My house is going to have to be SPOTLESS once she can crawl, as everything goes straight to her mouth.

I think that's all for now. She's sleeping MUCH better (Thank you, oh mighty chiropractor) and I need to take advantage of that fact. I leave you with pictures!

A tooth?

The pedi says its a ridge in her gumline.... but it looks toothish to me! It's up so high though... I dunno!

Activist Lactivist

I'm an activist. I am extremely passionate about a lot of thinks. Jesus, Breastfeeding, baby wearing, natural child birth, Abortion, Adoption, Home-schooling... I could go on. But, this week a study came out that backed one of my passions.

I'm definitely not the first to write about it. Right now, in most circles, it's a huge controversy. I'm okay with being controversial. Here's the gist of the article.

Breastfeeding saves lives.

Period. Exclamation point. In fact, the article that was published in the journal "Pediatrics", and then later reported by CNN on Tuesday, stated that an estimated 911 babies die each year because they were not breastfed.

"Well." You might say to yourself, "That's all fine and well, but what can you expect from third world countries? People die there from diseases and starvation all the time!"

I'm not talking about a third world country. I'm talking about America. Where we have all the medical advancements and technologies, we still lose 911 babies a year. Because of one thing, their mothers don't breastfeed. These babies are dying from SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome), pneumonia, and necrotizing enterocolitis (a condition that causes the intestines to die).

If you want to talk numbers, we can do that too. $13 billion. Is that a big enough number? According to Pediatrics, that's the amount of money that could be saved every year if mothers breastfed for the minimum amount of time (which they suggest as being 6 months). The AAP (American Academy of Pediatrics) recommends breastfeeding for one year. The World Health Organization recommends two. I plan on breastfeeding for two years.

We have a rise of "I tried to breastfeed, but I didn't make milk" in this country. A lot of this, I believe, is because starting at the hospital, formula is shoved down new mom's throats. In our hospital room was a free Similac sponsored bag for new breastfeeding moms. It included a few bottles and a insulated bag to keep the bottles cool. Because it's such a crime to breastfeed in public that you have to pump and take bottles with you everywhere you go. Oh, and formula samples and coupons. Just in case you want to supplement in the first few weeks and possibly wreck your supply.

The biggest cause, in my humble opinion, that women don't succeed at breastfeeding? I think there are two. Lack of support and fear. It becomes an endless cycle. The mom doesn't have the support they need to feel confident in their bodies and confident in their bodies ability, and they become afraid that they are starving the child, then they don't have the support to reassure them that they're doing fine, and the cycle just continues and continues.

Did you know a baby only needs to receive a teaspoon of colostrum per feeding for the first few days? You heard me right, a TEASPOON. God knew what he was doing when he created the mother/baby relationship.

And I'm not saying this should be on the mothers shoulders. I think the medical community as a whole has sabotaged breastfeeding for a LOT of moms. I'm sure there are lots of moms who would have liked to have breastfeeding, but were told they shouldn't, or couldn't.

I'm also not trying to make you feel guilty if you did exclusively formula feed your child. I'm just trying to make it a more socially acceptable behavior to do what's best for your baby. To feed them how God made you to feed them.

Finally, want to be totally selfish for a minute? Do you know the benefits for Mom that breastfeeding provides? Not many do. In 2007 the AHRQ (Agency for Healthcare Research and Quality) released a study that said that Mom's who breastfed had lower rates of type 2 diabetes, heart disease, breast cancer, and ovarian cancer.
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So, be sure to research your options. Even working mothers can successfully pump enough milk to feed their babies. Seek out that support! Contact lacation consultants, the La Leche League, or just ask your friends. My Mom was my biggest support when I started because she had breastfed me. You CAN do this!

If you're not type A...

You may not understand this post.

I'm so anal. We got asked to take a friend of ours to Lexington today for a doctors appointment. No problem! We had some house paperwork we were going to do... but thats easily pushed back. So, I started planning last night.

I pick out my outfit, Keevia's outfit, Keevia's spare outfit, what food I'm going to pack for her, what bibs, what blanket, etc. I remind myself that I need to get Sophie from the shop, as well as her other sleepy paci. I plan on going to Hancocks fabric to help feed my new obsession (more on this tomorrow), I start contemplating what books to take for the hour and a half car trip.

Then, our friend calls and says her husband is going to take her to the appointment.

I was disappointed! Not because I wanted to make the trip, but because I had packed everything in my brain (NOT in real life, just in my head) and now I had to "unpack" it, and stop my brain from trying to plan.

This, THIS is why I'm FREAKING THE JUNK OUT because I can't decide on paint colors.

My name is Shaina, I'm type A, and I have a planning problem.

Sleep, perchance, to dream?

For some reason I don't understand... I hate going to sleep right now. Like, really despise it. I put it off and put it off (and it's not helping my sleep deprivation).

I think part of it may be that Keevia doesn't go to sleep until 9:30-10. Then, I use the next 2ish hours to blog, read, de-compress, spend time with my husband, etc. I don't like going to bed because that means the end of that time. Don't get me wrong. I LOVE every minute of my day with Keevia, but I also NEED that decompression time. I NEED balance in my life.

Then, once we are in bed, it's a crapshoot of whether or not it'll be a "good" night or not. The last couple of nights haven't been good. I don't know if its a developmental thing, a teething thing, or a chiropractic thing, but she's SO STINKING SQUIRMY. Saturday night she didn't make it into her co-sleeper at all, and I may have gotten 2-3 hours of consecutive sleep without her kicking me or squirming all around. It makes me dread night time.

But then, the morning comes, and we're laying there, face to face, and her little smile lights up my whole world. I just wish I could think of that more in the middle of the night when I want to cry from no sleep.

Thankfully, we usually have 1-4 bad nights, then she's fine. I tried to get her into the chiropractor for an adjustment, but our CP wasn't in today. If she does better tonight, I'll forgo it.. if she doesn't do better, I'll call tomorrow.

Oh, and side effect of my antibiotic? Insomnia. Wonderful.