I'm sure I've mentioned it here before that before Keevia was born, I was completely against bedsharing. Carl mentioned when I was pregnant about bringing her in bed with us, and I always said "No way! We'll smother her!" I looked down my nose at the parents who did so, thinking how horrifically unsafe they were being with their children.
Then, when I was pregnant, I stumbled across a parenting board on TheBump.com. I'd never heard of Attachment Parenting before, and I quickly googled the term. Other than some differences when it comes to discipline, I found myself agreeing with everything my searches turned up.
So I began haunting that board, and I soon found that a good majority of the people on there purposefully bedshared from birth. I had always planned to co-sleep, and had purchased a Arms Reach Mini Co-Sleeper at a yardsale, and received the Baby Trend Gabriella Playard from my Mom. Both made co-sleeping very easy, as the baby was RIGHT there, but I was still against baby being in bed with me.
At this point in our lives, Carl and I were living in an apartment in the big city, and spending a good bit of our time at my parents house. We had a queen size bed in our apartment, but a full-size bed at my parents. As I progressed in my pregnancy, Carl began sleeping in a different bedroom so as not to squish the baby in my belly.
After I gave birth, Carl wasn't comfortable with me spending time at our apartment alone (he worked from 3am-1pm, and had to go to bed by about 6-7pm), and insisted I stay with my parents for the first few weeks.
Keevia was so tiny and perfect, but there was one little problem. She didn't want to sleep unless I was holding her. Which was fantastic during the day because I couldn't bear to put her down, but at night she wouldn't settle in her co-sleeper very well. And when it came to nursing at night, I was still convinced I had to sit up to feed her (trying to figure out latch and all), but I found myself falling asleep sitting up.
Then one night, I gave up, pulled out my iPod and searched for Dr. Sears bedsharing safety checklist. With a little bit of moving and shuffling, I had my bed set up and I laid down with her. She stayed asleep, and I slept lightly.
As I got more confident, both with bedsharing and breastfeeding, I began just nursing on one side for several hours, the rolling with Keevia and nursing on the other side for several hours. I always started her off in the co-sleeper, and would get 1-3 hours of alone sleep before she came in bed with me. Once we went back to the apartment (although we didn't spend much time there, we moved home when Keevia was about 2 months old, and didn't spend much time at the apartment once she was born), I was a little nervous adding Carl to the mix, but I stuck to the bedsharing rules, and always kept my arm around her when she had to be in the middle to nurse.
As a result, I was never sleep deprived. She slept great, and even on her restless or fussy nights, she settled quickly. Around 4 months she started the dreaded Four Month Wakeful and was just, well, AWAKE from 4-6am. Some nights I put her in her bouncer in front of Seasame Street and she would drift back to sleep. Bad parenting? Maybe... but we both got sleep and were both happy, so I don't really regret it. The first time sleep deprivation got me was when she got her first cold at 6 months. By that time we had moved into our new house (which is next door to my parents) and there were 2-3 nights where she barely slept (stupid stuffy nose). At this point, with a six month old, I finally understood the sleep deprivation that non-bedsharing parents felt.
Keevia and I basically spent the first six months of her life in bed by ourselves. We fit well in a full size bed, and were quite comfortable most nights. As she got older, her first stretch of solo sleep got longer and longer. By the time we moved in our house, and began sharing a bed with her daddy again, there were nights when she was sleeping through the night in her co-sleeper, or only waking at 4-6 am.
At this point, however, she roused very easily. If I had a cold and a cough she would wake up every time I coughed. If you got up to go to the bathroom, she woke up. Carl was now working 5 days a week, having to be at work at 5am. His alarm would usually start going off at 2 am. She was not amused. Even when she came in bed with us, she would still toss and turn until her would finally get up, or we would move to the guest room. I put off moving her into her own room as long as I could, because I wasn't ready for it.
Around nine months we started putting her in her crib in her room. We left the co-sleeper in our room however. She would still nurse maybe once a night, but she was probably sleeping through the night 4 nights out of 7. If she woke up, it was no big deal, we just brought her into our bed.
We kept up this routine, having her start off in our bed occasionally, but sticking to the crib. Around one year I began having to lay down with her to get her to sleep, but I would always move her to her crib once she was asleep. Around 13 months she got her first (and only!) ear infection, as well as a case of bronchitis. Her cough (and the plegm in her throat) were so bad that she'd get choked and end up throwing up, sometimes several times a night. Carl deemed it unacceptable for her to sleep by herself (which I agreed) so we moved to the guest room for close to a month. It was a slow weaning process to get her from 100% of night time with mommy back to her crib, but we did it.
At 18 months we changed her crib into a toddler bed, and since that time, she simply comes padding into our room whenever she wakes up. Sometimes it's 1am, most of the time its 6 or 7. I love snuggling with her, and we never put her back in her bed once she wakes up. If she's sick, or scared (we've dealt with some night terrors the last two months), she may stay in our bed the majority of the night. We just go with it. We ended up purchasing a King size bed back in June/July, once we decided we wanted to get pregnant again, because we knew we'd soon be sharing the bed with two babies, not just one.
Some nights its frustrating. I sleep better when she's not in our bed (mainly because she likes to lay on top of me, or play with my cleavage, or simply lay THIS close to my back), and some nights I honestly just don't want to sleep with her... but I always remember HOW GOOD it felt to go running into my parents room, and to climb up in bed between them. I automatically felt safe, warm, happy and content. All bad-dreams went away, all fears disappeared. It wasn't a nightly occurrence with me, but I always knew that it was an option. I want Keevia (and baby girl#2) to feel the same way.
I don't really know how we'll manage once our newborn comes into the sleeping mix, but I'm sure we'll manage. Currently, Keevia is sleeping on a twin size mattress on the floor of her bedroom, and if necessary, we'll just move that mattress in our room for a while. I fully, FULLY believe that babies will learn to sleep on their own, but that each baby is different, and each on has their own night-time needs. I won't ever get these times back with my babies, and I don't want to have any regrets. As of yet, I don't, at least when it comes to my night-time parenting. I look forward to nursing this new girl, and snuggling with her late at night. Bedsharing isn't for everyone, and I realize that, but for our family, it's how we get through the nights.
Want more information? Dr. Sears has some awesome information on Co-Sleeping here, including studies he did on the breathing patterns of a co-sleeping newborn!
Showing posts with label AP. Show all posts
Showing posts with label AP. Show all posts
Friday, November 18, 2011
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Toddler Reset Button
Toddlers have tantrums. That's no news to anyone. My toddler is getting especially good at the foot stamping, head thrown back, screaming her head off tantrums!
The past two days, Miss Priss has decided that naps are for losers. Therefore, this is what I see a lot.
I've found out, however, in the past day, that if you head off the tantrums, that they don't seem to be as bad. Oh, they still happen, but instead of being 30 minutes of inconsolable toddler drama, it usually is only around 5. I'm sure that this distraction method is also common knowledge!
The majority of our tantrums are caused by teething right now. It can be expected! When you have 6-7 teeth coming in at once (I'm not real sure of the number, she never opens her mouth long enough!), it's difficult to be good all the time! I'm anxiously awaiting the arrival of our amber teething necklace.
Anyway, with the teeth kicking our butts, tantrums are running high. Our current way of making them go away? Well, it has me handing in my AP card.
Step 1. Get a orange Sherbert Push Up. Feed to child.
Step 2. Turn on Wiggles.
The sugar revs her up, the cold soothes her teeth, and the Wiggles make her zone out. Once she "resets" herself, she acts normally. There are other reset methods we use as well... change of scenery, stripping off her clothes, tickling her when she tries to throw herself backwards off my lap...
What is (or was) your toddlers reset button?
The past two days, Miss Priss has decided that naps are for losers. Therefore, this is what I see a lot.
The majority of our tantrums are caused by teething right now. It can be expected! When you have 6-7 teeth coming in at once (I'm not real sure of the number, she never opens her mouth long enough!), it's difficult to be good all the time! I'm anxiously awaiting the arrival of our amber teething necklace.
Anyway, with the teeth kicking our butts, tantrums are running high. Our current way of making them go away? Well, it has me handing in my AP card.
Step 1. Get a orange Sherbert Push Up. Feed to child.
Step 2. Turn on Wiggles.
The sugar revs her up, the cold soothes her teeth, and the Wiggles make her zone out. Once she "resets" herself, she acts normally. There are other reset methods we use as well... change of scenery, stripping off her clothes, tickling her when she tries to throw herself backwards off my lap...
What is (or was) your toddlers reset button?
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Baby Sign Language
I live in the middle of nowhere, as I'm sure we've discussed before. I had absolutely no earthly idea about baby sign language until I was pregnant, because, well, no one does it around here. When I was pregnant, I was signing up for natural birth classes at my favorite local store, Mother Nurture, and I saw sign ups for a Baby Signing class. Around that same time, I stumbled upon the Attachment Parenting boards at thebump.com, and found numerous people talking about various signs. So I got curious.
I bought a book or two on clearance, and promptly forgot about it. Until it became apparent that my little 4 month old KNEW when she wanted to nurse, she just couldn't communicate it. So I googled the sign for nurse (and chose to just to 'milk' for nurse, because she wasn't receiving any other milk at the time other than the boob), and began asking her if she wanted to nurse, and doing the sign. It wasn't very long afterwards (She was about 5-5 1/2 months) when I suddenly realized that she was doing it! She was signing to nurse! Not only that, when someone else had her, she would make the nursing sign to come back to Momma.
I was sooooooooooo excited, and yet I kind of dropped the ball. She stopped signing it as much, and I stopped teaching her new signs. Around the ten-twelve months though, I could tell her frustration levels were rising. So I started trying to teach her "more", "eat" and "Drink" for some reason that child has a mental block against eat and drink, but she picked up "more" in MINUTES. Since then, I'm struggling to find signs to teach her. Usually I show her a sign once, and BAM she knows it. It is OUTSTANDING.
Yesterday, she had just pooped, and was walking around my parents living room. I'd been working on "diaper" and "change" separately. My Dad, who fully supports signing but doesn't know all the ones she does, says "I don't know what sign she's making, what's this?" and then performed a sign. My chin hit the ground. She was signing "Change"!!! Not only is this big for signing, but it's also a step towards potty learning!
I have kind of wavered back and forth on whether I think that it's limiting her spoken words, but just last night she came up and said 'want more juiwcee'. So obviously she can talk. I think she says stuff that we just don't catch some times, and she's not one to repeat a performance (i.e. repeat a word she said).
Her current signs are:
more
bird
dog
cat (when prompted)
nurse
drink (sometimes)
hungry
bath
change
sleep
want
all done
down
car
wiggles (she made up her own!)
small
big
She learns new signs daily, like I said. It's difficult for me to keep up! It has made our lives SO MUCH EASIER! When she's crying and inconsolable, I can start asking questions "Do you want a drink? Are you hungry?" and instead of just crying, she can answer me. I am forever grateful to whoever it was that determined little ones can use sign!
I bought a book or two on clearance, and promptly forgot about it. Until it became apparent that my little 4 month old KNEW when she wanted to nurse, she just couldn't communicate it. So I googled the sign for nurse (and chose to just to 'milk' for nurse, because she wasn't receiving any other milk at the time other than the boob), and began asking her if she wanted to nurse, and doing the sign. It wasn't very long afterwards (She was about 5-5 1/2 months) when I suddenly realized that she was doing it! She was signing to nurse! Not only that, when someone else had her, she would make the nursing sign to come back to Momma.
I was sooooooooooo excited, and yet I kind of dropped the ball. She stopped signing it as much, and I stopped teaching her new signs. Around the ten-twelve months though, I could tell her frustration levels were rising. So I started trying to teach her "more", "eat" and "Drink" for some reason that child has a mental block against eat and drink, but she picked up "more" in MINUTES. Since then, I'm struggling to find signs to teach her. Usually I show her a sign once, and BAM she knows it. It is OUTSTANDING.
Yesterday, she had just pooped, and was walking around my parents living room. I'd been working on "diaper" and "change" separately. My Dad, who fully supports signing but doesn't know all the ones she does, says "I don't know what sign she's making, what's this?" and then performed a sign. My chin hit the ground. She was signing "Change"!!! Not only is this big for signing, but it's also a step towards potty learning!
I have kind of wavered back and forth on whether I think that it's limiting her spoken words, but just last night she came up and said 'want more juiwcee'. So obviously she can talk. I think she says stuff that we just don't catch some times, and she's not one to repeat a performance (i.e. repeat a word she said).
Her current signs are:
more
bird
dog
cat (when prompted)
nurse
drink (sometimes)
hungry
bath
change
sleep
want
all done
down
car
wiggles (she made up her own!)
small
big
She learns new signs daily, like I said. It's difficult for me to keep up! It has made our lives SO MUCH EASIER! When she's crying and inconsolable, I can start asking questions "Do you want a drink? Are you hungry?" and instead of just crying, she can answer me. I am forever grateful to whoever it was that determined little ones can use sign!
Monday, January 10, 2011
The Sleepy Lady Shuffle
Sleep is something that seems to cause huge rifts and wars when it comes to parenting. Both between parents (cry-it-out, not to cry-it-out... To nurse to sleep, not to nurse to sleep... Sleep in the crib, sleep in the parents bed, etc.) as well as between parents and child ("Pleaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaase baby. Please go to sleep. Please. Mommy is dying. Please sweet heart!"). It's something we've struggled with some, but something I definitely have no regrets on.
I'm anti-CIO (cry-it-out). No apologies. I'm sorry, but leaving my baby alone in a room to cry themselves to sleep to "teach" themselves to sleep? Not buying it. Let me interject here to say that I DO believe that there are two different types of cry-ers though. Moxie discusses how her two children are completely different when it comes to falling asleep, and how one of them is a "Stress Intensifier" (or something like that) and one is a "Stress-reliever". Basically one of them cries for 2 minutes to release stress, rolls over and goes to sleep. While the other one, if left alone to cry, becomes more and more stressed as they continue crying. Keevia, without a doubt, is in the first category. Even now I have to distract her when she starts crying, or it will intensify and escalate until she forgets why she's crying. I do believe that it's the parents responsibility to teach their children to fall asleep, but I think it needs to be in a safe, healthy environment. If it were me, and someone locked me in a room, where I couldn't get out, couldn't have anyone answer me, and I as scared... I'd go crazy crying. That's not something I want my daughter to experience.
Also, let me state that I think in-arms crying has its place. We've HAD to do it on some nights when she was so over-tired that there was no other option. It is excruciatingly difficult for the parent, but over-all it sometimes works for the child. It's not something I would want to do on a regular basis, and if I find we're doing it for more than 3 nights in a row (and something medical isn't going on), I know it's time to re-vamp our sleep schedule.
I also think that a lot of Moms fall victim to sleep training when their kid is going through a developmental stage. I know when Keevia was 4 months old, she was waking up ALMOST EXACTLY at 4 am in the morning and being awake for an hour to two hours. It was EXHAUSTING. I was at my wits end. I googled "Four Month old wakening" or something like that, and came to Ask Moxie's post about sleep regressions. CHANGED MY LIFE. Go read it. Right now (well, after you've read mine). It was so true to point, and as I read the comments, I actually cried. Most Moms seek out sleep-training at four months and nine months... the two most common sleep regressions! Keevia's sleep was greatly effected both times (and I'm dreading the 18 month regression!). I think that sleep regressions are VASTLY unknown and VASTLY under-rated. Once we got through the week-two weeks, she went back to her normal sleep habits without issue.
So how have we done it? Let me start off by saying its not perfect. We've had some issues. In fact, right now, we're in a kind of transition phase that isn't much fun. But we just grow around them. Instead of freaking out because her routine is changing, I try to be as go-with-the-flow as I can.
When Keevia was born, I always (read: mostly) tried to start her out in either her Arm's Reach Co-Sleeper or her Baby Trend Gabrielle Pack n Play beside the bed. As soon as she woke up the first time, I pulled her in bed with me. In the very early weeks, SOMETIMES I would sit up in bed and nurse her sitting up... then attempt to lay her back down. Most of the time though, I just pulled out the boob and nursed her as we both drifted off to sleep. Now, let me break in here to say that I never had a baby who freaked out if she fell asleep nursing and dropped the boob. She also took a pacifier (MAM brand) from the very first week or so.
As she got older, she slept longer and longer stretches in her baby bed. Around 9 months, we moved her from her baby bed in our room to her crib in her room. It was seamless. I'd napped her in there for a week or so, and she had no problems. She would sleep through the night (STTN) occasionally, and occasionally still come in bed with us around 4-6 am. She actually slept BETTER in there because it was quieter.
This had been our routine for around 4-5 months. Until teething hit.
Oh teething. How I hate thee.
Now? We have a routine, and one that, for me, is inconvenient at times... but its obviously what my babe needs.
Around the beginning of December, Keevs got a sinus infection. She had to sleep with me on and off some. During this time, she was also extrodinarily fussy from teething. She would no longer rock and nurse to sleep in my arms in the living room. Out of desperation one night, I carried her in the guest room. I nursed her, and then when she started picking at my face, I rolled with my back to her. Within minutes she had soothed herself to sleep.
This has became our routine. Every night we do the bath, story, snuggle time... then she'll start going "Nigh nigh" which means she wants to go lay down. She's been known to go to the door of our bedroom and call my name as well :)
The only problem is that she's not doing well in her crib at all. Over the last three weeks, she's spent one night in there (for the majority of the night). I sleep better when she sleeps in the crib, but she obviously needs me (emotionally if nothing else!).
It IS frustrating. I'm exhausted, and sometimes her soothing to sleep takes upwards of 45 minutes to an hour. I always think of all the housework I could be doing if she were already asleep, or if she would go to sleep faster. I've really been struggling to find the balance recently, and learn to relax in our snuggle time.
I think it's a transition to learning to fall asleep on her own, but we're obviously not to that step right now. I randomly try to lay her drowsy but awake in her crib, but I'm always met with screams... so I pick her back up. And then we go lay down.
I've enjoyed the snuggles we've shared, as my very active 14 month old is NOT very interested in snuggling during the day... but I've missed snuggling with my hubby. I know she won't be in our bed forever, so I take it night by night. Last night she slept in her crib from 10-5... tonight? She's in my bed right now, we'll see if she gets moved!
I think sleep is such a big issue because we all need it. As parents, we get so deprived of it that we can't think clearly. I have a daughter who requires me to put her to sleep every night. That gets tiring.... but she won't be little forever. It's a mantra I chant to myself, and with every day I know it's true. My baby is fading, and a strong-willed toddler is taking her place. If clinging to me at night is how she's holding on to her babyhood, then I'm okay with it for now!
I'm anti-CIO (cry-it-out). No apologies. I'm sorry, but leaving my baby alone in a room to cry themselves to sleep to "teach" themselves to sleep? Not buying it. Let me interject here to say that I DO believe that there are two different types of cry-ers though. Moxie discusses how her two children are completely different when it comes to falling asleep, and how one of them is a "Stress Intensifier" (or something like that) and one is a "Stress-reliever". Basically one of them cries for 2 minutes to release stress, rolls over and goes to sleep. While the other one, if left alone to cry, becomes more and more stressed as they continue crying. Keevia, without a doubt, is in the first category. Even now I have to distract her when she starts crying, or it will intensify and escalate until she forgets why she's crying. I do believe that it's the parents responsibility to teach their children to fall asleep, but I think it needs to be in a safe, healthy environment. If it were me, and someone locked me in a room, where I couldn't get out, couldn't have anyone answer me, and I as scared... I'd go crazy crying. That's not something I want my daughter to experience.
Also, let me state that I think in-arms crying has its place. We've HAD to do it on some nights when she was so over-tired that there was no other option. It is excruciatingly difficult for the parent, but over-all it sometimes works for the child. It's not something I would want to do on a regular basis, and if I find we're doing it for more than 3 nights in a row (and something medical isn't going on), I know it's time to re-vamp our sleep schedule.
I also think that a lot of Moms fall victim to sleep training when their kid is going through a developmental stage. I know when Keevia was 4 months old, she was waking up ALMOST EXACTLY at 4 am in the morning and being awake for an hour to two hours. It was EXHAUSTING. I was at my wits end. I googled "Four Month old wakening" or something like that, and came to Ask Moxie's post about sleep regressions. CHANGED MY LIFE. Go read it. Right now (well, after you've read mine). It was so true to point, and as I read the comments, I actually cried. Most Moms seek out sleep-training at four months and nine months... the two most common sleep regressions! Keevia's sleep was greatly effected both times (and I'm dreading the 18 month regression!). I think that sleep regressions are VASTLY unknown and VASTLY under-rated. Once we got through the week-two weeks, she went back to her normal sleep habits without issue.
So how have we done it? Let me start off by saying its not perfect. We've had some issues. In fact, right now, we're in a kind of transition phase that isn't much fun. But we just grow around them. Instead of freaking out because her routine is changing, I try to be as go-with-the-flow as I can.
When Keevia was born, I always (read: mostly) tried to start her out in either her Arm's Reach Co-Sleeper or her Baby Trend Gabrielle Pack n Play beside the bed. As soon as she woke up the first time, I pulled her in bed with me. In the very early weeks, SOMETIMES I would sit up in bed and nurse her sitting up... then attempt to lay her back down. Most of the time though, I just pulled out the boob and nursed her as we both drifted off to sleep. Now, let me break in here to say that I never had a baby who freaked out if she fell asleep nursing and dropped the boob. She also took a pacifier (MAM brand) from the very first week or so.
As she got older, she slept longer and longer stretches in her baby bed. Around 9 months, we moved her from her baby bed in our room to her crib in her room. It was seamless. I'd napped her in there for a week or so, and she had no problems. She would sleep through the night (STTN) occasionally, and occasionally still come in bed with us around 4-6 am. She actually slept BETTER in there because it was quieter.
This had been our routine for around 4-5 months. Until teething hit.
Oh teething. How I hate thee.
Now? We have a routine, and one that, for me, is inconvenient at times... but its obviously what my babe needs.
Around the beginning of December, Keevs got a sinus infection. She had to sleep with me on and off some. During this time, she was also extrodinarily fussy from teething. She would no longer rock and nurse to sleep in my arms in the living room. Out of desperation one night, I carried her in the guest room. I nursed her, and then when she started picking at my face, I rolled with my back to her. Within minutes she had soothed herself to sleep.
This has became our routine. Every night we do the bath, story, snuggle time... then she'll start going "Nigh nigh" which means she wants to go lay down. She's been known to go to the door of our bedroom and call my name as well :)
The only problem is that she's not doing well in her crib at all. Over the last three weeks, she's spent one night in there (for the majority of the night). I sleep better when she sleeps in the crib, but she obviously needs me (emotionally if nothing else!).
It IS frustrating. I'm exhausted, and sometimes her soothing to sleep takes upwards of 45 minutes to an hour. I always think of all the housework I could be doing if she were already asleep, or if she would go to sleep faster. I've really been struggling to find the balance recently, and learn to relax in our snuggle time.
I think it's a transition to learning to fall asleep on her own, but we're obviously not to that step right now. I randomly try to lay her drowsy but awake in her crib, but I'm always met with screams... so I pick her back up. And then we go lay down.
I've enjoyed the snuggles we've shared, as my very active 14 month old is NOT very interested in snuggling during the day... but I've missed snuggling with my hubby. I know she won't be in our bed forever, so I take it night by night. Last night she slept in her crib from 10-5... tonight? She's in my bed right now, we'll see if she gets moved!
I think sleep is such a big issue because we all need it. As parents, we get so deprived of it that we can't think clearly. I have a daughter who requires me to put her to sleep every night. That gets tiring.... but she won't be little forever. It's a mantra I chant to myself, and with every day I know it's true. My baby is fading, and a strong-willed toddler is taking her place. If clinging to me at night is how she's holding on to her babyhood, then I'm okay with it for now!
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Not enough
I've been feeling like I'm not enough a lot recently. Like I don't do enough, say enough, talk enough, blog enough.
My house isn't clean enough. We moved in around a month ago, and it's still not all unpacked and organized. I still have stuff in Mom's house to get. I hate that my house is "junky". It really bugs me, but I don't have enough time or energy to work on it. There is always a pile of dishes in the sink, or a dirty stove, or laundry to be done. I never get caught up. I'm still fighting the battle of laundry that was from our apartment that has to be washed before its stored because of the mold/bird stuff. There was about 12 loads of that, on top of our normal weekly loads. I've done around 6 loads some days, and I'm STILL not caught up.
I don't work enough. I didn't work at all this week. I spent the entire week trying to organize my house, and you can't really tell a difference. I should have been working more, but when I work, I feel like I neglect my house, and my duties as a wife.
I don't blog enough. Not just saying this for the 20ish people I have that read my blog occasionally. I don't blog enough for ME. I don't write out what I'm thinking and feeling enough. I need to write more about Keevia. I'm not keeping a baby book, this IS my baby book, and I want to write down more about her. Even if its just small little 6 line blogs. I NEED to do that more.
The one place where I do feel like I'm enough is with Keevia. I have her all day, every day. But sometimes that gets to be too much. Then I feel like a bad mom because all I want her to do is take a blessed nap so I can go pee. Blair was talking the other day about times when you just don't want to be there. For her, it's not always the bad times... for me, it's night time. When Keevia is fighting sleep, and I sometimes wish I believed in cry-it-out, or I wish that someone other than me could get her to sleep (without her screaming), so that I could just go crawl in the shower. Or when she wakes up at 7 in the morning and is wide awake, and ALL I want is another hour of sleep. Sometimes I wish I could just call someone and have them come get her.
But then, I open my eyes, and she smiles at me. And those feelings go away. They don't always go away at night... but she does go to sleep eventually, and even though I'm usually to tired to crawl in the shower, I do usually veg for a few minutes.
I always wanted to be a Mom, and I truly love every minute, even when I'm tired or I'm frustrated. And I always remember how much pain it took me to be a Mom. I'm not someone who got knocked up in high school as a mistake... I lost a baby, and now I have a baby in my arms, not every Momma has that. I try to keep things in perspective.
We have a good friend coming over to spend the weekend today... and all I can think about is will my house be enough? Will we get it clean enough? Uncluttered enough? Will the bed be good enough?
When will I be enough?
My house isn't clean enough. We moved in around a month ago, and it's still not all unpacked and organized. I still have stuff in Mom's house to get. I hate that my house is "junky". It really bugs me, but I don't have enough time or energy to work on it. There is always a pile of dishes in the sink, or a dirty stove, or laundry to be done. I never get caught up. I'm still fighting the battle of laundry that was from our apartment that has to be washed before its stored because of the mold/bird stuff. There was about 12 loads of that, on top of our normal weekly loads. I've done around 6 loads some days, and I'm STILL not caught up.
I don't work enough. I didn't work at all this week. I spent the entire week trying to organize my house, and you can't really tell a difference. I should have been working more, but when I work, I feel like I neglect my house, and my duties as a wife.
I don't blog enough. Not just saying this for the 20ish people I have that read my blog occasionally. I don't blog enough for ME. I don't write out what I'm thinking and feeling enough. I need to write more about Keevia. I'm not keeping a baby book, this IS my baby book, and I want to write down more about her. Even if its just small little 6 line blogs. I NEED to do that more.
The one place where I do feel like I'm enough is with Keevia. I have her all day, every day. But sometimes that gets to be too much. Then I feel like a bad mom because all I want her to do is take a blessed nap so I can go pee. Blair was talking the other day about times when you just don't want to be there. For her, it's not always the bad times... for me, it's night time. When Keevia is fighting sleep, and I sometimes wish I believed in cry-it-out, or I wish that someone other than me could get her to sleep (without her screaming), so that I could just go crawl in the shower. Or when she wakes up at 7 in the morning and is wide awake, and ALL I want is another hour of sleep. Sometimes I wish I could just call someone and have them come get her.
But then, I open my eyes, and she smiles at me. And those feelings go away. They don't always go away at night... but she does go to sleep eventually, and even though I'm usually to tired to crawl in the shower, I do usually veg for a few minutes.
I always wanted to be a Mom, and I truly love every minute, even when I'm tired or I'm frustrated. And I always remember how much pain it took me to be a Mom. I'm not someone who got knocked up in high school as a mistake... I lost a baby, and now I have a baby in my arms, not every Momma has that. I try to keep things in perspective.
We have a good friend coming over to spend the weekend today... and all I can think about is will my house be enough? Will we get it clean enough? Uncluttered enough? Will the bed be good enough?
When will I be enough?
Friday, June 4, 2010
Story time!
Gather round children, gather round.
Today we're going to have story time.
The story of the day is about how my darling husband tried to send his daughter away.
Now, if you know Carl, and if you've seen him with the baby, then you know that she is his life. Plain and simple. He was a nervous wreck my entire pregnancy, and probably the most heard words in our home are "Is she breathing?" (And the answer to this question is ALWAYS "Yes baby, she's fine."). He has always wanted a baby girl, and he dotes on her like it's going out of style.
Now, if you don't know, I had an all natural labor (save one pain shot with a life of 2ish hours). I was in labor (although not active labor) for about a month, and then was in the hospital overnight before they broke my water. They broke my water at 9 am, and contractions starting picking up. I didn't give birth until 11:10 pm that night, and my hubby never left my side (except when I was on the pain shot, and then he was still in the room). Neither of us slept well for the two nights before she came. I got to experience the natural high of childbirth, and my hubby got to crash. We got into the mother and baby room around 1ish, our Mommas left, and it was just the three of us. Our little family.
Carl showered, and then we stayed up, just marveling in the beautiful baby we had made. Finally around 3-4 am, Carl crashed. I laid down and tried to sleep, but Keevia wouldn't settle in the bassinet. At this point I was still all "I SHALL NOT BEDSHARE!" and I also could only breastfeed if I was sitting up. So I grabbed my boppy, and settled in an extremely uncomfortable chair. I ended up spending the rest of the night there. The nurse came in at one point and got me some graham crackers and juice after she checked my vitals.
Roll around til the breakfast tray comes. I was starving by this point, and had only dozed on and off a little bit. They brought the tray in and left it under the TV....all the way across the room. I was holding the baby, and was still too weak to walk while holding her (I had shakes for about 2 days after birth). Carl is still dead to the world. I AM STARVING. So, I start trying to wake him up.
I keep asking him to please get me the tray, take the baby, and let me eat. I repeated this to him several times. The first time I woke him up, he sat up, looked at me while I came him instructions, and promptly rolled over and went back to sleep. So I prodded him back up, and repeated the instructions. Get me the breakfast tray, take the baby, and let me eat. So... He tries...
He takes the baby, goes and puts her in the isolette (where she promptly begins crying), and walks in the bathroom. I get up, go over and get the baby out of the isolette and sit down on the bed. He comes out of the bathroom and begins talking "They don't have the thing, the thing that goes on top of the other thing, they have the thing like we have at home, but not the other thing" and then GETS BACK IN BED.
So, I give up on him helping and begin trying to pull the tray towards me. Except that it won't come over the bed because it needs to be raised, and I can't do that one handed. This is where I promptly burst into tears.
Which is when Carl wakes up. He finally became coherent enough to take Keevia and help me get the tray. While I'm picking at the food, they come and take Miss Priss to the nursery for the pediatrician to give her a look. I decide to lay down and try and nap as they tell us it could be around 2 hours before she gets back.
Ha. Nap. In a hospital. First the nurse came in, then the social security person (who was asking questions and whom Carl tried to answer (he had went back to sleep as soon as they took Keevia), she finally said "Honey, go back to sleep...", then the photography person, then about 3 other people.
I had just laid back down (we're getting to the good part, I promise!), when our nurse knocks on the door. She pokes her head in and says "Hi! Do you want your baby back?" Carl, for the first time that day, raises up out of the bed and clearly says "No, take her away." The nurse looks slightly surprised but then nods and says 'Oh, okay... call me when you want her.." and then closes the door. I was in complete, total, and utter shock. I couldn't speak. The door closed, I whirled on Carl and started hitting him, saying "GET ME MY BABY. GO GET MY BABY!" He was totally confused because he was asleep at the time, I start crying, and he just rolls over. I finally called the nurses desk and said "Yes, I would like my child please, my husband just SENT HER AWAY" and that finally woke him up.
So yes. My husband tried to give our darling daughter away before she was even 12 hours old. He was in shock and a little embarrassed once he realized it... but it sure made a great story to tell her later!
Today we're going to have story time.
The story of the day is about how my darling husband tried to send his daughter away.
Now, if you know Carl, and if you've seen him with the baby, then you know that she is his life. Plain and simple. He was a nervous wreck my entire pregnancy, and probably the most heard words in our home are "Is she breathing?" (And the answer to this question is ALWAYS "Yes baby, she's fine."). He has always wanted a baby girl, and he dotes on her like it's going out of style.
Now, if you don't know, I had an all natural labor (save one pain shot with a life of 2ish hours). I was in labor (although not active labor) for about a month, and then was in the hospital overnight before they broke my water. They broke my water at 9 am, and contractions starting picking up. I didn't give birth until 11:10 pm that night, and my hubby never left my side (except when I was on the pain shot, and then he was still in the room). Neither of us slept well for the two nights before she came. I got to experience the natural high of childbirth, and my hubby got to crash. We got into the mother and baby room around 1ish, our Mommas left, and it was just the three of us. Our little family.
Carl showered, and then we stayed up, just marveling in the beautiful baby we had made. Finally around 3-4 am, Carl crashed. I laid down and tried to sleep, but Keevia wouldn't settle in the bassinet. At this point I was still all "I SHALL NOT BEDSHARE!" and I also could only breastfeed if I was sitting up. So I grabbed my boppy, and settled in an extremely uncomfortable chair. I ended up spending the rest of the night there. The nurse came in at one point and got me some graham crackers and juice after she checked my vitals.
Roll around til the breakfast tray comes. I was starving by this point, and had only dozed on and off a little bit. They brought the tray in and left it under the TV....all the way across the room. I was holding the baby, and was still too weak to walk while holding her (I had shakes for about 2 days after birth). Carl is still dead to the world. I AM STARVING. So, I start trying to wake him up.
I keep asking him to please get me the tray, take the baby, and let me eat. I repeated this to him several times. The first time I woke him up, he sat up, looked at me while I came him instructions, and promptly rolled over and went back to sleep. So I prodded him back up, and repeated the instructions. Get me the breakfast tray, take the baby, and let me eat. So... He tries...
He takes the baby, goes and puts her in the isolette (where she promptly begins crying), and walks in the bathroom. I get up, go over and get the baby out of the isolette and sit down on the bed. He comes out of the bathroom and begins talking "They don't have the thing, the thing that goes on top of the other thing, they have the thing like we have at home, but not the other thing" and then GETS BACK IN BED.
So, I give up on him helping and begin trying to pull the tray towards me. Except that it won't come over the bed because it needs to be raised, and I can't do that one handed. This is where I promptly burst into tears.
Which is when Carl wakes up. He finally became coherent enough to take Keevia and help me get the tray. While I'm picking at the food, they come and take Miss Priss to the nursery for the pediatrician to give her a look. I decide to lay down and try and nap as they tell us it could be around 2 hours before she gets back.
Ha. Nap. In a hospital. First the nurse came in, then the social security person (who was asking questions and whom Carl tried to answer (he had went back to sleep as soon as they took Keevia), she finally said "Honey, go back to sleep...", then the photography person, then about 3 other people.
I had just laid back down (we're getting to the good part, I promise!), when our nurse knocks on the door. She pokes her head in and says "Hi! Do you want your baby back?" Carl, for the first time that day, raises up out of the bed and clearly says "No, take her away." The nurse looks slightly surprised but then nods and says 'Oh, okay... call me when you want her.." and then closes the door. I was in complete, total, and utter shock. I couldn't speak. The door closed, I whirled on Carl and started hitting him, saying "GET ME MY BABY. GO GET MY BABY!" He was totally confused because he was asleep at the time, I start crying, and he just rolls over. I finally called the nurses desk and said "Yes, I would like my child please, my husband just SENT HER AWAY" and that finally woke him up.
So yes. My husband tried to give our darling daughter away before she was even 12 hours old. He was in shock and a little embarrassed once he realized it... but it sure made a great story to tell her later!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
