Monday, December 14, 2009

Obviously there's a learning curve...

Obviously this diet thing doesn't come naturally to me.

As I said in the last post, I'm going to cut some things out of my diet. Mainly soda pop and fast food.

Now, I realize cutting out ALL fast food is a high goal... so I'm not going to try. There are times, especially as we live in bufu, that I have to get fast food. I'm just going to try and make smarter fast food choices. I'm also planning on cutting out all french fries, as they carry more calories and saturated fat than most other things. Sweets also have gotta go.

However, after taking Keevia to the chiropractor this morning (THANK HEAVENS for Chiropractors... she's slept so much better today than she has all weekend. I love my CP!) and then facing the hell that is Wal-mart in December, I was starving.

I opted for Wendy's, as when you live in the country, it's hard to be picky. I ordered, paid, and was waiting for my food when I did a mental review of just exactly WHAT I had ordered.

1 Double stack Cheese Burger, pickles only
1 Small Fry
1 Small Frosty
1 Small Coke

Lets exam that meal and see how many things were on my "What I'm not going to eat list"

THEN I get home, have a cup of coffee and sit down with 2 pieces of fudge and a piece of peanut brittle.

I have to admit, I have never craved sweets like I have since Keevia was born. I really don't understand it, I am NOT a sweet eater!

So, obviously there's a learning curve involved in dieting.

In other news, I did purchase Jillian Michael's "30 Day Shred"

Let the work-out hell begin! (Tomorrow that is, I lugged a 6 week old ALL OVER town today, and am doing 4-5 loads of laundry. That's my workout for the day thankyouverymuch.)

Saturday, December 12, 2009

THE weight post


I had a baby....

And now, 6 weeks later... none of my pants fit.

I didn't even gain that much weight with the baby! Only 23 pounds. My baby was 8 lbs. Why do I still weigh 16 pounds over my pre-pregnancy weight? What about the placenta? That thing was freaking huge! And the extra blood volume... COME ON PEOPLE.

But... I have to admit, I was at my heaviest pre-pregnancy as well. I did a lot of comfort eating this time last year after my miscarriage. So, I need to lose weight.

Large amounts of weight.

Lets put it this way... I want to be at 180 (that's not a hugely skinny number even!) and I need to lose 50 pounds to get there. You do the math as to how much I weigh right now.

I hate it. I have always been slightly chunky... but I've never been truly uncomfortable about my weight. I HATE seeing pictures of Keevia and I because I feel like a huge, fat, cow (a milk cow in fact...ha!). I'm also paler than CRAP. This does not lead to pretty pictures. But I have never been this embarrassed by my weight. My GOAL size is a 10 (I've been a 12 before! I can do it!). I'm currently an 18/20 *dies*.

So. I plan on purchasing Jillian Michael's "The Shred". Cutting out all pop, and fast food (when possible), cutting back on bread and pasta and trying to cut out all sweets. Once it gets warmer, I plan on walking with the baby as much as possible.

And... that is all.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

"The Blind Side"

So, right now there are 2 movies out that Carl and I REALLY want to see. "The Blind Side" and "New Moon". We had planned on going to see "New Moon" on Tuesday (this past Tuesday, the first), but when I was talking to Mom about this, she said "Well, if you don't get to go, maybe we could all three go in Hazard." So, after discussing this with Carl, we decided to see "The Blind Side" in Richmond, and then drive back to Jackson on Friday, and go with Mom to Hazard to see "New Moon."

So, we watched the "Blind Side" on Tuesday.

And it was the best movie ever. Seriously.

It was really, REALLY good. In the beginning of the movie, there is an AWESOME confrontation between the coach of the football team and the council that allows kids into this uppity Christian school. It set the tone for the whole movie.

This movie is based on the life of Michael "Big Mike" Ohr. He's a high school student who was taken away from his drug addict mother at the age of 7, and has been a "runner" ever since. He's fallen through the cracks, and continues to do so until Leigh Anne Tuohy (played by Sandra Bullock) gets involved. And boy, does she ever get involved :)

Sandra Bullock deserves some sort of award. Her acting in this movie was outstanding. She made me want to meet the REAL Leigh Anne.

So, Leigh Anne takes Michael into her home, and into her family, which already includes Collins (her teen-age daughter) and SJ (her elementary age son), as well as her husband, franchise king, Sean.

Everyone she knows talks about how she's changing Michael's life by taking him in, but she merely states he's chanaging hers.

Awesome, AWESOME movie. Pretty family oriented. There's one scene with drug/alcohol use and violence, and one mention of the word "penis" (which is freaking hilarious), but other than that, and a little bit of cussing, it's clean!

Go see it. Don't pass go, don't collect $200... just go see it!!!

What a difference a year makes

I've been meaning to post this since the first of December, but I've had a hard time getting it out.

What a difference a year makes. Last year, on December 1st, I wrote this post (and please don't feel like you need to read all of it if you haven't already. It's dark and depressing.) I had already "lost" the baby, but still, up until that moment there was the SMALLEST bit of hope trapped inside me. Th e SMALLEST inkling that the doctors were wrong, even as I continued to bleed. But that night, when it was over, I knew there was NO more hope. It was done, it was finished. That was by far the hardest night of my life.

Then, on Tuesday, as I had the fussiest baby in the world, I didn't stop to think about what the day was, or the significance of what the day was. I was up from about 4 am on with Keevia, as she had a bad belly ache. She fussed and fussed, and just wanted to constantly nurse.... but she'd continue to cry while nursing. Mom got some gripe water and pro-biotics down her... and FINALLY she pooped, and then was much happier. She went to sleep and pretty much passed out for the next 4ish hours. We were able to get to Richmond, and almost all the way through "The Blind Side" before she woke up to eat.

We made it through the entire movie, and were sitting at Steak N'Shake... when I mentioned to my hubby that it was our friend Liz's dad's birthday. He immediately went to text him, while I thought about what day of the month it was.

And then it hit me, what day it was. And there, in the middle of Steak and Shake, I started crying. I looked down at my beautiful daughters face, and I couldn't help it. As much as I love my daughter, my heart still yearns to hold that baby as well.. to meet him or her, and to love on them as I love on Keevia. I know that's not possible, and I know that had I kept that pregnancy, I wouldn't have Keevia, which right now seems unfathomable... but at that moment, I felt both extrodinarily thankful and completely saddened at the same time.

I've pretty much blocked all the pain of child-birth, and think "Oh yeah, I could so do that again!" but I have not, nor do I think I ever will, blocked the pain of that miscarriage. And it wasn't the physical pain (although it did hurt, lemme tell you). It was the emotional pain... the heart break. The total and complete loss of plans and hope. And it sucked.

I also wrote this post after the miscarriage, in January. In it, I said this...

Edward Landon will be here eventually, or (fill in the 78 girls names we have chosen(not quite, but close!)) will be here eventually. As upsetting as it is to think of Thanksgiving, when we would have had a 4-5 month old, and Christmas, where there would have been 4 grandchildren... It's ok. I pray we're pregnant by Christmas... a safe, solid, sticking pregnancy.

We didn't have a 4-5 month old, but we did have an almost 1 month old... and for that, I am eternally grateful.

Peanut, I love you, and I miss you... and I'll hold you in heaven.

Love, Momma