Thursday, April 30, 2009


First. Go read this blog post.

Then read this comment that I posted on her blog (P.S. I was Number 25, which just rocks!)

Love you Mckmama, and your complete honesty that always brings tears to my eyes.

After my first pregnancy that resulted in miscarriage, and now having a second pregnancy, I still feel like we're living on the edge. I'm 13weeks and 3 days pregnant - past the most dangerous part, but still scared to death. I love this baby with all of my heart and soul, yet I'm scared to allow myself to love him/her because what if something isn't "normal"? Is this my new normal? Being scared all the time? Answering questions, not with a "Oh thank you for congratulating us!" but with "Oh, no, we lost the last baby at 8 weeks, we're well past that now".

I now completely understand why you revealed that Stellan was a boy and named him. I understand why you wanted people to love him, and get to know him. I feel that way with this baby.

I cannot wait to feel this baby move, and fall even more in love with him/her.

Thank you, MckMama, for letting us know that not feeling "normal" is okay, and for being so frank and honest!

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

13 Weeks!

I swear, on my life (sure) that um... I'll post more once school is out, mmmkay?

How far along? 13 Weeks!
Total weight gain/loss: Not sure. Haven't checked since my blow out yesterday.
Maternity clothes? In maternity pants as we speak, not really needing them perse, but my pre-pregnancy pants don't fit!
Stretch marks?Nope
Sleep: Loving it.
Best moment this week: When I had the energy to do 2 loads of laundry.
Movement:Nope... unless you count bowels and gas...
Food cravings: Salad. And sour stuff.
Gender: *shrugs*
Labor Signs: Nope.
Belly Button in or out? In
What I miss: Energy. Not puking. Pooping.
What I am looking forward to: Popping!
Weekly Wisdom: Don't get so stopped up that you have to hug the toilet and pray.
Milestones: Moving to the second tri boards on!

Friday, April 24, 2009

ARGH! Read this and check!

Alright people. Check your credit card statements, check your debit card statements.

While checking to make sure we had money for an order, I noticed a charge from APL*ITUNES. Apple Itunes, right? WRONG. I don't use iTunes. We looked it up. This is a common fraudulent scam.

So, check your credit card and debit card statements closely! They usually start out with charges under a dollar, and then move up in price. Mine started at $18 and has since went down.

Just an FYI! Beware!

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

12 Weeks!

How far along? 12 Weeks!
Total weight gain/loss: Down 7 pounds from pre-pregnancy
Maternity clothes? Still digging the yoga pants.
Stretch marks? No more than I had pre-pregnancy!
Sleep: I'm still having problems with 3-6 am insomnia. I didn't sleep at all last night, too stressed out from school stuff.
Best moment this week: Feeling my uterus. I can only feel it when I stand, but I can definitely feel it then!
Movement:Not yet. Lots of gas though..
Food cravings: I want turkey and mashed potatoes.
Gender: I finally had a dream where it was a girl! Plus, Paul said it was a girl, and he's
Labor Signs: None
Belly Button in or out? In
What I miss: Energy and my brain.
What I am looking forward to: Popping!
Weekly Wisdom: Brown Cows are your friend. Email me if You don't know the wonders of this.
Milestones: Getting to 12 weeks!

Monday, April 20, 2009


This is an urgent prayer request!

Please, PLEASE Pray for Baby Stellan and MckMama's entire family. This sweet baby boy is going into surgery at 8:30 am Boston time tomorrow!

The following are the exact things that MckMama has requested for us to pray about. You can see her full blog by following the "Pray for Stellan!" link on the left.

Would you pray that Dr. A will have wisdom as to if he should move forward with the ablation after the esophageal study? If he does move forward, would you pray that he will have clarity of mind as far as how aggressive to be with the ablation in order to fix Stellan's problem without putting him at undue risk for complications. Would you pray that the tiny catheters the doctors use will not nick Stellan's coronary artery? Would you pray for peace for me and my husband? Would you pray that heart block will not occur during the surgery? Would you pray that the extra pathways Stellan has will be located and successfully destroyed? Will you pray that, if they need to go through his septum, that it will heal as it should? Would you pray that in the days after the surgery (In infants, coronary damage sometimes doesn't appear for up to three days, so we'll be here for the rest of the week at least it looks.) we will cling to Jesus and not to fear?

I am almost in tears just writing this post. I feel so connected to this family, even though I've only been reading her blog for a few months. I seriously am going to lose sleep over this sweet baby boy tonight!

PLEASE take a moment and pray for this family! Reading Mckmama's twitter posts, I know that there is no way I could go through what she's going through and not be going insane!

Dear Lord, tonight I just beseech you on the behalf of baby Stellan and Mckmama and her entire family. Please dear Lord, guide the surgeons hands. Allow them to have clear eyes, a clear mind and perform a safe surgery. Give Mckmama a peace that passes all understanding. Allow her and her entire family to stay sane and to stay calm for their precious baby boy. And Lord, please place your hands upon Stellan and heal his body through the surgeons. Lord, we want Stellan to LIVE! And we know that whatever the outcome of this surgery, he WILL live, either here on earth with us, or in heaven with you... but Lord we just pray that your will be done. We thank you for the blessings you reign down upon us. It's in your son's name that we pray.


Friday, April 17, 2009

I am so all for SMALL government.

Go to this link. Watch the video. Get enraged. The end.

Oh, also, I FINALLY had a dream last night where the baby was a girl, not a boy. She was adorable. Her name was Mackenzie Rea (not so sure what that middle name is about...). It was a good dream!

I think I can officially feel my uterus peeping out of the top of my pubic bone. GET EXCITED.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Hard to be happy

It's very hard for me to be happy this weekend. I have lived and breathed KCU's choir for several years now, and yet this semester, we couldn't afford for both Carl and I to travel to NYC to perform in the Black Gospel concert. So, since he's the music major... he stayed in Choir and I dropped out.

Now, while my days have been much easier without choir... I've missed it dearly. When we entered into this semester, we assumed this would be a hiatus from choir, and then I'd come back in next semester for Feast, for my last semester of choir.

However, plans change. We're not going to be at KCU any longer. I'm finishing this summer, and I will never get to sing with KCU's choir again.

I have tears in my eyes just typing that. I love it. I love performing. I love tour. Servants tour changed my life all three summers that I got to participate in it. I LOVED Feast. I never complained about rehearsals, because I had so much fun. This past feast was so difficult because of the miscarriage. But I made it through and performed all 6 performances. And LOVED IT.

Little did I know it would be my last performances. I don't know that I'll ever sing in another choir, and certainly not another choir of this caliber... and that scares me, and saddens me greatly.

I know its for the best though. They had a 12 hour car ride today, and just the thought of that while pregnant makes me shudder. Also, the way my morning sickness has been, I don't want to contemplate it. But still, when I drove past them getting ready to load the bus this morning, my thoughts went back to last year. I relived several moments in class of our trip last year, and almost cried. It was an amazing trip, and a amazing concert. I can tell my children I sang in Carnegie Hall (and their Dad sang in Lincoln Center!)

Yet... how could would it have been to have told Sweet Pea that she/he had their first "performance" on the stage of Lincoln center?

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

my "tumor"

I've had this skin irritation for about a week. Unsure as to what it is. Some are saying shingles, others saying not. It itches. IT burns...and it just developed this little layer of pus. I apologize for the lack of shaving, but I don't want to anger it anymore than it already is.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

11 Weeks!

How far along? 11 Weeks!
Total weight gain/loss: Down 4 pounds from pre-pregnancy
Maternity clothes? Not really. I wear yoga pants a lot though...
Stretch marks? Not yet
Sleep: It hates me. No problem falling asleep AT ALL... but I wake up anywhere from 3-6 am and have FITS falling back asleep.
Best moment this week: Seeing our little sweet pea kicking and moving his/her arms!!
Movement: Can't feel it, but I sure saw it!
Food cravings: I just want to be able to eat. Anything.
Gender: I always dream boy... except when I dream twins, then I have one of each...and I know I'm only having one...
Labor Signs: None
Belly Button in or out? In
What I miss: Being able to do anything that requires standing... I still can't stand for more than a minute without getting nauseous.
What I am looking forward to: Successfully getting through the first trimester!
Weekly Wisdom: Poop regularly. If you can't, find some way of remeadying it before you get to the point I did yesterday. Ugh.
Milestones: Seeing the baby move!!!!

Monday, April 13, 2009

Not me! Monday -- Surprise edition!

Shaina’s very own Not Me! Monday

In this very special edition of Not Me! Monday, I’m revealing something that I’ve been hiding for a while. So listen up (read up?)! Sit back, and enjoy!

I have definitely not been hiding a majorly huge secret from ya’ll for about 8 weeks now.

That secret is certainly not the fact that my dear, sweet husband and I are expecting a baby.

I am not in the least bit 11 weeks along today.

I didn’t have an ultrasound this morning where our baby was kicking and punching all over the place!

I didn’t absolutely panic at 9w1d and call my OB from Wal-marts parking lot because there had been a TINY speck of blood on the TP, and then rushed to the Dr, even though my assigned OB was on vacation... only to have a glorious ultrasound with an amazingly strong heart beat!

I didn’t take a pregnancy test in that same Wal-mart bathroom several weeks earlier at/or around midnight... only to see that amazing word “Pregnant” in the parking lot!

I most certainly did NOT throw up in the parking lot of my primary care physician when taking my mom to the doctor last week, then go about the rest of my day perfectly fine.

I also am not having such severe problems, um, well... ahem... going... that I can barely eat. Pray that things begin... moving later tonight!

And finally, although there's no sound, here is a video of our darling baby taken this morning!

Also, seeing as we called our last baby "Peanut" we've decided to name this one "Sweet pea" until we can find out the sex. Therefore, all the labels will be under SP.

Oh, another Not me! Moment. I definitely didn't shell out a dollar at "Once Upon a Child" for a summer outfit that is 0-3 months and says Sweet Pea on it, even though our own SP won't be born until November... and well, even then it may not be a girl and that would cause the PINK outfit to be obsolete... oh well!

EDIT: Oh, how the correctol I took has helped... I've been sobbing in the bathroom as I have liquid coming out both ends... HOPEFULLY I'll be able to eat again once this is all over! I'm definitely down 3-4 lbs from my 9w1d appt!


Sunday, April 12, 2009

Rear or Forward?

I just recently started reading a blog from MckMama's blog, called "Profoundly Seth." When going back in time to the beginning of April, I came upon this entry. I think to all Mom's, or soon to be Mom's, its a very valuable read. PLEASE be sure to check out the links as well. They are really educational!!

If you can't see the links in the her blog, check out this youtube video! OR this one!

My child will DEFINITELY be rear facing as long as the car seat allows! Having been in a minor car wreck myself, I know how bad on your body it can be. I want my children to be as protected as possible, and apparently this is the safest way for your children to ride in the car.

Please visit the links I provided, it may save your kids life.


Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Spring (or Winter?) Break without the Break

Spring break... well, Winter break...seeing as it snowed 4 inches here today. Granted only about an inch stuck, but it still snowed it. I want sun! I want warmth! I want SPRING!

Plus, my list of homework has grown to just an oppresive amount, that I don't feel like I'm on a break at all.

- Theology Paper
12 to 15 pages on "Creativity in the Bible" with 15 sources. Gag.ME.
- World Religions Paper
6-8 Pages on "Jainism"
-World Religions Assignment, chapters 4-5.
This was due WEEKS ago. I need to type up all 12 handwritten pages and finish note taking
- World Religion Assignment, don't remember
Due next week? Maybe?
-Online postings for theology
30 in all. I've done 12. 18 to go.
-Work Autobiographical Still Life drawing.
Double gag me.

The ones that are most aggravating is the Theology paper and the online postings. For the online postings we have to read a book by Brian McLaren, entitled "a Generous Orthodoxy"

In case you're wondering. This book is crap. Full of CRAP. It's written by someone who is a forerunner for the Emerging church and its full of ramblings about how the church nowadays is doing it wrong, and how we shouldn't judge the church because we think its doing it wrong. It questions itself over and over and it continually contradicts itself. I can never decide when the idiot is making a point.

End of rant.

Continue to pray for Stellan. Also, pray for Angie and her family as they live through what should have been their daughter Audrey's first birthday today. My heart goes out to both of them, and it continues to weigh heavily upon it.

Look for a Not Me! Monday post next week (even if MckMama doesn't do one!) that will shock some of you, and confirm for others. At least I pray I get to do a post! Be in prayer for my husband and I in the next week.

Off to read more ludicrousy and then post about it. Tata!

EDIT: AUGH!!!!!!! THIS BOOK IS COMPLETE AND TOTAL BS!!!!!!!! This guy is a crazy person. Literally. Needs help. I cannot believe that our professor is making non-christians or weak christians read this book, and that they are AGREEING WITH HIM. I just want to scream. Literally.