Friday, November 26, 2010

Thanksgiving and Prayer

This has been such a wonderful thanksgiving for me.

2 years ago, Thanksgiving was rough. I'd just found out I'd miscarried, and I was barely functioning through the holiday.

Last year, my baby was so itty bitty. I was worried to death about her, tired out of my mind, and living in a haze.

Now? I just pass the kid to whoever she'll go to, cook till I can't cook no more, and eat. A lot. Like, way, WAY too much.

And I'm thankful. I'm thankful for family and friends. I'm thankful for our house, for my husbands job, and for stability.

I'm thankful for my husband who seriously has to be the BEST husband in the world for all he does for me. I'm thankful for my parents who take such good care of us, and who love Keevia so fiercely. I'm thankful for common sense. I'm thankful for good weather. I'm thankful for fires crackling in the fireplace, and candles warming on a candle-warmer in the kitchen.

I'm thankful for first steps, first teeth, big open mouth kisses, and not-so-girly growling. I'm thankful for pink dresses, and soft bluejeans, and curls at her nape of her neck. I'm thankful for the way she snuggles her hand under my bra-strap as she nurses, and the sweet disposition she obviously didn't get from either of her parents.

I'm so thankful for a God who provides and a nation that allows us to worship that God. I'm thankful for plenty of food, and fun, and fellowship.

I'm thankful for three new lives that made their way into this world on November 22nd. If you don't know about these fresh little triplets, you need to check out their Mama's blog and send some special prayers their way.

I'm also heartbroken this thanksgiving, in the midst of all the warmth and love. I'm heartbroken for a family I know who just lost their precious, precious baby boy Jakin in utero, only 14 months after his sister was born sleeping. Words cannot express the amount of pain I know they are feeling, and how much my heart aches for them. I cannot begin to fathom the pain, or the road to recovery. I just know that their faith in God, and his wonderful presence will make this bearable. Their family has weighed SO heavily on my heart the last three days that I have just randomly broken out into tears. Please go love on this family.

I'm thankful, and heartbroken... and blessed.

Monday, November 15, 2010

2 Years

2 years ago, I peed on a stick for the first time.

2 years ago, I saw 2 lines for the first time.

2 years ago, my heart stopped, and then swelled with joy.

2 years ago, we started to plan.

2 years ago, the morning sickness started. And brought me to my knees at times.

2 years ago, we picked out names.

2 years ago, in just a few short days, I started bleeding.

2 years ago, I was scared.

2 years ago, we sat in an ultrasound room, at 10 weeks pregnant, to see our baby for the first time.

2 years ago, they couldn't find a heartbeat. The baby only measured 8weeks, 6 days.

2 years ago, I cried.

2 years ago, I felt like my heart was breaking, and the world was coming down around me.

2 years ago, I didn't know what to do, or where to go, or how to act.

1 year ago, God gave us the biggest blessing. Our beautiful baby girl.

I still think about how we felt 2 years ago. I still remember being pregnant for the first time. I still remember crying those tears, over and over again.

I love you peanut, and I always will. 2 years ago you were with us for a very, very short time... and I treasure that time in my heart. I'll hold you one day, my sweet sweet baby.

Two years ago, I cried. Today, I'm crying too.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Sickness, birthdays and teeth!

Our house is quiet right now. No tv on, just the tippity tap of my fingers on the keyboard.

However, I wish it were quiet for happier reasons!

My hubby is sick. Last week numerous people were out at his work for days at a time, and unfortunately, he came down with it Sunday. He stayed home yesterday, and had fully intended on going in today. In fact, he got up, got dressed, got in the car, and started out the driveway, then had to run in to the bathroom. He quickly determined that work wasn't an option and called in. Unfortunately he was out of sick days and had to use a vacation day. He managed to hold down some soup today though, so we're hopeful that he'll be up and running soon. I made him some homemade potato soup this evening for him to eat, and to take to work with him tomorrow.

Tomorrow is his birthday! I was planning on making him a vanilla cake with buttercream frosting, but I'm not sure he'll be up to it yet. I may hold off until this weekend.

Speaking of birthdays and cake...

I baked over 70 cupcakes for Miss Priss's party. It went off FABULOUSLY. I had an amazing time just hanging out with lots of family and friends. We ate, we talked, we watched Keevia open presents. She wouldn't dive into her smash cake like everyone wanted though!

What has K been up to since turning 1? Well, she FINALLY got her first tooth! It's still not all the way through, but you can clearly feel it. I was worried yesterday that she was coming down with the same thing her daddy had... but no! She seems to have just been fussy from the teething.

I had a dentist appointment planned for today, but had a SPLITTING headache since yesterday. Last night I was running a low-grade fever, and I didn't want my poor dentist to get our crud... so I canceled and had to reschedule for next MONTH. Wow. Thankfully it was for a filling that I have no pain from! I haaaaaaate the dentist. Okay, that's not true. I love MY dentist. I just have a HUGE irrational fear of the dentist.

Totally random post, I know. I'm sleepy, and trying to get back in the habit of posting on here! I hate that I got OUT of the habit. It is such a de-stresser for me, and it's wonderful to have the memories recorded!

Monday, November 8, 2010


There are times when I feel like I have no patience with my daughter. When all I want to do is sit down and have a flippin' cup of coffee without her whining to be held. When she's whined all day long, I haven't been able to fix it, and I'm sooooo stressed out I can barely think.

I am so lucky. I have SO much wonderful family support. Whenever I have one of those days, I can call my Mom and just beg "Can you take her for five minutes?" and Mom will come over and play while I retreat to the next room for a breather. And I come back refreshed.

Or I can beg Carl, fresh from working all day, as soon as he comes in the door, to me cooking and her screaming "Can you PLEASE take her in the living room until I'm done?" and he whisks her away and I can cook in peace (which cooking is a big de-stresser for me. I love it).

And I realize that not everyone has that help. I know there are ton of single parents out there who do it on their own. On the days when I don't have help for whatever reason, I feel a tiny taste of what they go through. I'm forever grateful for my support system.

But, if ever I need to feel better about my parenting, or feel better for losing my temper occasionally, I just have to go out in public. There are children out there that make my heart hurt down to my toes. I'm not opposed to discipline, and I'm not opposed to spanking... but these children have just been beaten down by life. Not just physically, but more emotionally. You know the ones, the ones that haunt you after you leave the store, when you see them, snot nosed, dirty clothes, crying just for their parental units attention. Those are the ones that hurt my soul.

I'm not writing to say I'm the perfect mother -- I'm not. I was "stumbling" on today and I came across this great blog post from Single Dad Laughing. I skimmed most of it (because honestly? It's a little long and repetitive), but it was awesome. It made me think, and its made me aware of my attitude when dealing with my daughter.

All we can do is try, and I'm just going to try and be more aware while I try.