Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Happy Due Date, Peanut.

Last night, while driving home from a rather long trip, I let my mind drift over the past few days. Suddenly, I panicked. I quickly counted the days in my head, and breathed a slow sigh of relief.

I thought I had forgot my sweet Peanut's due date.

It's funny. Two years ago I would have sworn that I never could forget. And I didn't.... but I did almost pass it up. I've been thinking about my sweet first pregnancy since the beginning of June, just like I did last year, and the year before. But this year, other things took over my mind as well. This year I concentrated on my best friends birthday, which falls on the 18th. I concentrated on Fathers Day, and making sure that Keevia got to decorate cards. This year I concentrated on my parents 35th wedding anniversary. I concentrated on an overnight trip that my mom and I had planned, in which we took Keevia to the aquarium and saw my great aunt and uncle for the first time in years.

This year, Peanut wasn't first in my mind.

That both saddens me, and makes feel better. It saddens me that I could forget the loss of a child, even for a second, but it makes me realize that I'm moving on. I'm not dwelling. I'm healing.

My maternal grandparents have both passed away. I grew up beside them, and was ridiculously close to both of them. This year, I only remembered one of their death dates. My grandfathers, December 1st, marks a special place for me because that's also the day I miscarried (although I knew that Peanut was gone two weeks before). April 22nd, however, came and went this year without me even thinking about it.

Maybe it sounds callous, or cruel... but I know they wouldn't want me moping around missing them, especially when I know in my heart that all three of them are in a better place.

So today, I celebrate that this day is getting easier. I celebrate that my sweet baby is in Heaven, laughing and playing with my grandparents. But I also pause to cry a little, to think of the might-have-beens, and of seeing my two year olds face.

I'll hold you in Heaven Peanut. Mommy loves you always.

Sunday, June 19, 2011


Today is my parents 35th Wedding Anniversary.

Momma and Daddy - Thank you so much for setting such an example for my marriage. Thank you for never arguing in front of me (or not really arguing at all), for loving each other through thick and thin. Thank you for always being there for one another, for joking through the painful times, right along with the hugs and the tears. Thank you for loving each other so much that you decided to have a kid. Thank you for sheltering me, and protecting me, for keeping me home, and for making sure that I had everything I could ever need. Thank you for trips to Lexington once a week for 5 years. Thank you for paying for a college education I'm not using. Thank you for taking Carl, Keevia and I in when we had to move home for a while.

My mom and Dad may not have a perfect marriage -- because no marriage is perfect, but they definitely know how to love one another. Sure, they get on each others nerves, and I'm sure some days are easier than others, but they have stuck through it. They have shown me (and I'm assuming my husband as well!) what a wonderful, God-filled, marriage is like.

I love you Momma and Daddy..


Saturday, June 18, 2011

Happy Fathers Day! (A little early, I know)

I have another post that needs to go up tomorrow, so Fathers Day is happening a little early around these parts.

First, to my Daddy.

As I watch my little girl grow, I have become even more pleased and happy with our relationship. I look at Postsecret, and places like that, and I am SO thankful that I had a strong, Godly man as my father figure.

I knew you were a great Daddy, and I knew you would make a great Papaw, but I don't think I ever knew how much. Every time I see you with Keevia, I think of myself with my Papaw Henry... which you should know how important he was to me. You are (and will continue to be) the light of her life, and I am so happy for that.

Daddy, you have always been there for me, and I know you always will be. You've helped me through math problems, college classes, and life in general. You've introduced me to classical music, fly fishing, and "The Phantom of the Opera". You've instilled respect for people and authority in me, and taught me to be careful with my posessions.

I love you Daddy. I know you know that, but as I watch you with my kiddo, it makes me love you even more.

Your Daughter

And my Husband

Dear Carl,

You are the most amazing father. I knew you would be, which is high on the list of reasons I fell in love with you.

You play on the floor, letting Keevia waller(wallow? Wallor?) you to death. You go and get her from her room in the wee hours. You don't get too grossed out when she pukes all over herself and you. You'll change a poopy diaper (VERY rarely), and give baths whenever I ask.

You work so hard to take care of us, and I appreciate it more than you will ever know. By working so hard, you've let me achieve my dream of being a stay-at-home Mom, and I pray you are achieving your dreams as well. I know your job sucks sometimes, but I am SO proud of you.

I know you will ALWAYS be there for me, and for Keevia, no matter what we need. I fall in love with you all over again every time you scoop her into your arms and giggles explode from her. I fall in love when I see you snuggling her, begging for one more kiss. I love you so much, and love spending each day of the rest of my life with you.

You're the best Daddy (and the best husband) that I could ask for. Keevia and I are SO very lucky to have you.

I love you baby,
Your Wife

I can't forget the other "Fathers" in my life. My Grandpa Elmer (who I mysteriously have no pictures of him and Keevia together.

My husbands father, Steve -

And my husbands Grandfather, Owen.

We love you all so VERY much. Thank you for being in our lives.

Friday, June 17, 2011

Reflecting on clutter...

I hate clutter. Hate it. If you sit me in a room in my house right now, I start to twitch. Unfortunately for me, either A)Keevia is asleep, so no loud noises may be made, or B) I'm too dang tired to do anything about it.

But it slowly drives me insane. I can't watch "Hoarders" without getting up to clean something. Carl and I will take a biiiiig day and clean our hearts out, then two weeks later (because I don't keep it up), it's worse than ever. And don't get me started on our guest room...

But tonight, as I was rocking (yes, I still rock my 19 month old to sleep) my baby girl, looking around at all the clutter in my living room, I realized something.

My house would be a LOT less cluttered if I didn't have a toddler.

And you know what? That's unacceptable. I cannot imagine my life without my sweet girl... so I guess I can't imagine my life without the clutter.

It's nice to look at it in a new way. It's nice to embrace the clutter, and to not shy away as much. It's nice to realize how empty my life would be WITHOUT that clutter.

It's nice to see clutter through Keevia size glasses.

Monday, June 13, 2011


I'm taking stock in small victories today.

Less than a month ago I bit the bullet and bought a Wii and a WiiFit. I'd had a discussion with someone who had purchased one in January and (with dieting) had lost 70 lbs by May. I knew I needed SOMETHING to get me in the habit of working out, and I knew it needed to be something I wanted to do. I'd wanted a Wii for a while, so I went ahead and bought it.

In 25 days (I know because it tells me) I have lost 8lbs and 4 inches off of my waist.

I'm flabbergasted. I really think it's a combination of going on Metaformin (Glucophage) for the PCOS and exercising (almost) daily. I've fallen off the exercising bandwagon a little (my back was out), but plan on hopping back on tomorrow.

Best of all? I feel better. I'm happier. I have energy. My clothes are starting to fit again.

I bought a Maxi-dress this past week and thought I actually looked good. I bought a SKIRT. If you know me in real life, you know how huge that is. And the bigger thing? I WORE said skirt all day Saturday (and didn't even have anything to dress up for).

I was reading Blair's blog today, and especially reading in the comments about accepting your body. Someone said something about how they couldn't hate their body because their body gave them their kid. And that rings so true to me. I don't hate my body, but I've been very, very unhappy with it.

I've also decided that I'm not going to set a goal weight. I'm going to set a goal size. I would like to be firmly in size 10/12. I don't want to be smaller than that. I just want to be able to fit into the clothes in my guest closet that are taking up space. I want to start the next pregnancy at a healthy size and a healthy weight and just be HEALTHY. I really don't care if I get to a size 12 and still weigh 200lbs. So be it. If I look better, feel better, and am comfortable with myself, then that will work for me.

But today? Today I'm celebrating that my body isn't a failure. My body CAN lose weight. I CAN tone up. I CAN look decent in a pair of jeans. I may not be willing to shimmy into a swimming suit yet, but I don't make sure the bedroom lights are turned off before changing into my PJS anymore.

P.S. I guest-blogged for a friends at Playdate Crashers today about my miscarriage and Rows for Remembrance. Check it out if you get a chance!

Monday, June 6, 2011

Movie Buff

I love movies. I don't really care what kind (except Westerns) as long as its a good one (and I'll even watch Westerns if its a REALLY good one). At this point in my life, I don't get to see a lot of movies. Carl can engross himself in one easily... but I have a much harder time. If Keevia's awake she's usually attempting to crawl all over me, or play with me, or she's falling and crying... I just can't concentrate. Then, if it's too late I'm tired (although this is getting better) and can't concentrate. I usually want to watch a movie that I've already seen so I don't have to miss things if I'm not paying attention for whatever reason.

But recently Keevia has been taking 2-3 hour naps. I've been working out pretty consistently during this time... but Saturday I was in DESPERATE need of cleaning out master closet. So I turned on Netflix Streaming and started cleaning. Instead of turning on an episode of "Bones", or even "Lois and Clark", I turned on a movie that had been recommended to me numerous times, "Easy A".

So....this movie had a LOT of potential. And there was a lot of it that I liked.

Olive is a high school student who lies to her best friend and tells her that she had sex with a mystery boy, George, instead of spending the time with her best friends family. Her friend blabs to the whole school. Ironically, they're reading "The Scarlet Letter" in her English class. Olive goes on to pretend to sleep with the rest of the male student body, which ups their reputations, while tarnishing hers. She has hilarious discussions with her parents, who remain supportive but uninformed. She vlogs about her "escapades". She has a running dry commentary that left me chortling in places.


I simply could not get past the BLATANT Christian bashing that took place throughout the entire movie. And I was so sad. Amanda Bynes (who I normally LOVE - one of my favorite movies is "She's the Man" and "Sydney White" was pretty cute as well) plays a character called Marianne who is a Bible-thumping...well, you know. She constantly berates Olive's character, informing her she's going to hell, and basically being every.single.stereotype of Christianity. It was so disheartening. And her boyfriend (don't ask me his name) who is in the chastity group with her, is, of course, sleeping with the school Guidance Counselor and receives Chlamydia from her.

By the end of the movie I was shocked that I had had numerous CHRISTIAN friends recommend this movie to me. I would never, ever recommend this movie to anyone, let alone a Christian! Have we gotten so bad as a Church that we not only stand by that type of humor, but LAUGH at it?

I have ALWAYS been someone who believes that we should be of the culture... but above it... if that makes sense. I've always been someone who goes and sees movies that aren't always defined as Christian so I could pull stuff out of them, so that I could have honest discussions with non-Christians. I think, as Chrisitans, we need to know what the world has, otherwise we can't discuss it. I've drawn lines for myself -- I don't watch horror movies. But I'll usually watch just about anything else. And this view has led me into SO many different discussions that I NEVER would have had had I stayed away from the mainstream movies. I don't watch ones that I think will damage me, I just watch what I think is popular.

But this movie just struck a nerve. Worse, it struck a nerve that so many people weren't up in arms around this movie, but recommended it, saying it was hilarious. Yes, there were funny parts, but they were MUCH less than the blatant disrespect of my religion.

So.... what good movies have YOU seen recently?

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Keevia Cuteness

For whatever reason, my child decided not to go to sleep until well after midnight last night. I've blogged numerous times about baby sleep, but I've come to the realization that I am MUCH happier if I just don't stress about it. She's currently sleeping through the night in her own toddler bed, and taking 2-3 hour naps. Who am I to rock the boat by trying to have a earlier bedtime?


Keevia Cuteness #1:

Last night I was rocking a very awake toddler. In an effort to get her to speed the process along, I said 'Keevia...close your eyes'. After a few times of showing her what I meant, she closed her eyes. "Now go to sleep sweet girl" I murmured, figuring her eyes would pop open. To my shock (and my humor), she kept them closed and began fake snoring. I literally about died.

"Are you being Daddy?" I asked, she opened her eyes, took out her paci, nodded her head and said "Daddy!"

It's either Daddy, or Jeff the Narcoleptic Wiggle.

Keevia Cuteness #2:

Kee LOVES you to chase her a tickle her. Or have her run and you hide behind something and jump out. Or merely say 'I'm going to get you!' while she takes off squealing. Recently she's started holding her hands out in front of her and going "aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah" while moving her hands when she wants to be chased. I think she's channeling the Karate Kid or something. It is literally the most funny thing, and I SERIOUSLY need to get it on tape.

She has a vocabulary which has EXPLODED. She went from barely talking to repeating everything that is said. One of my favorite things she picked up from her great-grandfather. "Toodle-Doodle!" Daddy also had her going "Poopie! Pee-pee!" in the car today. All drinks are "Jewwwce" and all food is "Appul!" She can say Sippy, although she says "Sipsey" or "Pissey" which makes me giggle. Her "hungry" sounds more like "Hommey"which is basically Mommy with an H.

This post is nothing but fodder for my baby book, but I thought some of you might enjoy!