Thursday, October 28, 2010

12 Month Letter

Dear Keevia,

Today you are one year old. One year you have been in my life, yet it feels like you've always been there. You've held my heart for so little time, yet you have held it so well. Your little smile makes my heart swell with love, and every time you cry I have to hold back tears. I love you Miss Priss.

Your personality astonishes me on a daily basis. Your mix of pure stubbornness and sweet, lovingness just blows my mind. The fact that you cry like your heart is broken everytime you hear the word "No" but then light-switch if we distract you. You are a happy baby unless something is bothering you (overly-tired or your sick). In fact, I couldn't ask for a better baby.

When I try to describe you on here, words fail me. I feel like a failure of a writer because I can't put into words everything that I love about you. I simply love you. I love the way you smile when I walk in a room, or how your little hands reach for me as you repeat my name. I love how you snuggle your hand under my shirt as your falling asleep, and how you dive for the nipple when you start to nurse. I love all your little quirks.

I watch you grow, and it breaks my heart... yet I can't wait to hear you talking (instead of just babbling). I can't wait to hear the stories you will tell, the songs you'll sing. I can't wait to watch you skip around the house in a tu-tu and a tiara. Yet as I snuggle in close to you at bedtime, I relish in the quiet moments, in the snuggles. I soak in your sweet baby smell.

You are my sweet baby. You will always be my baby, even as you make this huge step into toddlerhood. I hate to lose any minute, any second... I want to go scoop you out of bed and snuggle you close... yet I know that you'll wear me out tomorrow.

So sleep well, sweet baby, on this last night of your babyhood. Tomorrow you turn 1, and before I know it you'll be 21... stay small sweet girl. I love you.


12 Month Post

Keevia Lynn. Where has this year gone?
At 1 Year Old You Are -
- Walking!! Sort of. 6 days before your first birthday you began taking tentative steps between Mommy and Daddy. Now you'll take 3-5 steps between your table and the chair, or to Mommy from the table. You also walk much more confidently while holding one of our hands. Today, in Mamaws kitchen, you simply braced against the cabinets since there was nothing to hold onto.
- You're still snugly in size 3 diapers, and have been squeezing into size 2s that Mommy found while cleaning.
- You are so weird when it comes to clothes sizing. You can wear up to 18 months in onesies and shirts.... in fact t-shirts HAVE to be 18 months. You wear 18 month footed pajamas. You can wear 6-9 months if they don't have feet. You wear 12 month pants well, although you still fit in 6-12 and 6-9 month pants. 18 month pants are WAY to long on you, and fall down because you have a tiny belly!
- You wear size 2 shoes still, but I think your feet may FINALLY be growing!
- You have actually ALMOST crawled a couple of times in the last month, but that big ole' head is just too heavy!
- You are the BEST baby when it comes to playing. You sit in front of your toy box and just pull stuff out and examine it. You love books and you love dolls.
- Mamaw Caudill got you a 'ball pit' for your birthday and its like, the coolest thing EVER. You looooove it.
- Other favorite toys: Any of your numerous cell phones (including Daddies REAL cell phone that is broken), your Farm which has little animals and letters that you can put through the roof, your 'standing tables' that play music and tell you the letters, your TY Beanie Babies (ESPECIALLY the cats), and your "wand" that Aunt Hebbie got from Disney World for you!
- You are getting to be a better and better sleeper. You've slept through the night fairly consistently since around 9 months. Last night you didn't sleep as well, but some nights you don't get up at ALL! Other nights you wake up around 5-7 am and come in bed with Mommy until I get up.
- You are SUCH a talker. And you want eeeeeeeeeeeeveryone to hear you. One of the first lessons we'll be learning soon is how to use our "inside voice". You are beginning to repeat words back to us with a startling rate. Your new favorite word is "Hi!"
- You've also started growling. A Lot. It's HILARIOUS.
- You make this cute growl/mmm sound when you take a bite. Not very lady-like, but very cute!
- As is true with most babies... you LOVE anything with buttons.
- You're very snuggly in the mornings and after naps, but you are miss independent other than that.
- You LOVE long as Mommy, Mamaw, Papaw or Daddy is holding you!
- Your appetite has slacked off SO much. You used to eat us out of house and home and now you might eat "well" once a day. You still nurse 3-8 times a day, take sippies of cows milk and a little bit of V8 Fusion Juice.
- You still cannot tolerate any apples. In any form.
- You have the worlds best personality. You are hilarious and such a ham.
- You LOVE cats and the kittens we have right now. You're a fan of Mamaws dog Isabelle, but other dogs seem to scare you a little (you ARE your mothers child).
- VERY stubborn. EXTREMELY stubborn child. But we love you anyway!
- You are SO sensitive about hot foods. It basically has to be cold or room temperature for you to eat it.
- You LOVE eating ice-cream.... but if you get too big of a bite you start SCREAMING until someone fishes it out of your mouth!
- You still have a tendency to put things you shouldn't in your mouth. You tried to eat a spider not too long ago, and you have eaten a lady bug.
- You LOVE to give kisses. You want to kiss EVERYTHING. Kittens, babies, dolls, rubber ducks, the mirror, the ground...
- You are my sunshine, and the complete light of my life.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

It's not easy

It's not easy being a mom. I've blogged about inadequacy in the past, and I'm doing it again. I've been feeling it a lot lately.

I'm exhausted. Between late nights with the baby, and early mornings with the baby, I haven't been sleeping well. Keevie is sleeping through the night most nights, but I have a tendency to be a night owl, with borderline insomnia. And some nights I don't WANT to go to bed, because its quiet, I can veg without a baby attached to me, and if I go to bed I have to get up and do it all over again.

We had fleas in our house (BRAND NEW HOUSE), sooooooooooo badly. They are almost completely gone now (thank GOD), but that set me back in housework. Everything that could go through the washing machine, had to. I still need to mop both the kitchen and the bathrooms because of all the all-natural oils and stuff we used are on the floors. I DESPERATELY need to clean the bathrooms and organize them. Like, you have no idea how desperately. I also started on organizing the guest room the other day... and nope. It's not finished.

I have no decorations up in my house. At all. No pictures, nothing. We've lived there since May. It's bad enough that I've bought the paint and not painted -- I also haven't decorated at all. It's just so over my head. I know what I WANT to do, I just don't have the funds/energy/time to do so... and it depresses me. I want to love my house. I want pictures up on the wall, I want it to be pretty. I want to stop apologizing for things when people come over and just feel proud of my home.

Keevie's birthday is in 17 days. I'm having a birthday party in 18 days. My house MUST be acceptable by then.

I just... I don't know. I'm not depressed... I'm just tired. K can't quite walk yet. So you have to watch her like a hawk for falling. Plus, she wants to be right with me at all times. She won't let me wear her around the house very much, which makes it hard to do anything. By the time Carl gets home and can take care of her, I'm exhausted from wrangling her all day.

I need to quilt. And I can't. I don't have the motivation, nor do I have the time.

I love my baby girl with my entire heart. I love being her Mommy. But she is exhausting. Being a Mom isn't easy. It makes being a wife harder, it makes keeping a house clean harder, it makes LIFE harder. I love her SO much, and I feel guilty just writing this... but its hard, and it sucks sometimes. I feel so inadequate when I FINALLY get her to sleep and the only thing I want to do, or have energy to do is to crawl in my chair with a book. I don't even have energy to take a shower somedays.

It's not easy...but I'm still thankful I have her.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

10 & 11 months

Keevia, since I suck as a mommy, your 10 month post and 11 month post are going to be together!

- Child, you have had a growth spurt!!! While you can still (barely) squeeze into some 6-9 month pjs, you are mainly wearing 18 month pjs. You still wear a few 6-9 month clothes, but you're mainly in 12 month, with a few 18 month shirts thrown in. You are SO long waisted! It depends on the shirt/brand, but most 12 month tshirts are way too short.
- You're still snugly in size 3 diapers!
- You are a cruiser!!! You are so, SO close to walking. You could do it if you had the nerve! At 10 months you were cruising ALL along the couches... at 11 months that isn't good enough anymore. You want to WALK. This requires someone to walk you though! You can walk 1 handed, although you randomly freak out.
- You have gotten over your stroller aversion! At 10 months you started zonking out at a craft festival and go to sleep easily in it as long as someone is walking you.
- It's finally cooled off enough for you to be worn again! Yay! Mommy missed those cuddles (even the back ones).
- You still eat EVERYTHING, although textures are beginning to get to you. You no longer like strawberries, or fruit pieces in your yogurt.
- You are very talkative, although half the time I don't know what you're saying.
- You are OH SO VERY opinionated. You know what you want, be it a drink while eating, or down when you're sitting on someones lap, and you are NOT afraid to let the whole world know it!
- STILL no teeth! LOL
- You sleep WONDERFULLY in the carseat now. About 7 pm though you get fussy and want to be home... we've been able to "sing" you down, or give you a sippy and you usually go on to sleep. We try to not test that theory much though.
- EVERYONE tells me what a good baby you are! Right at 10 months old we did your first craft festival. You spent the whole weekend playing and cruising in a playpen (when you weren't nursing or being strolled), and I got COUNTLESS comments like "Does she do that at home?" It was AWESOME. You rock as a baby. Really.
- You have consistently slept through the night since 9 months. Really haven't had many instances that you haven't! Its great!
- You've had 3 big boo-boos. The first was in Michaels craft store. You were walking one handed and totally face-dived. You had a good silver-dollar sized bruise on your forehead! Then you pulled a TV table over on top of yourself and gave yourself a black eye. Then recently, with that same tv table you managed to pinch your finger really bad. You are very tough though! If you're crying, I know you're hurt, not just whining!
- Speaking of whining... you have turned into a whine box! You whine if your food isn't fast enough, if your juice isn't fast enough, if you don't have mommy, if you're sleepy... usually we can go to the chiropractor and that makes it better... but sometimes nothing helps.
- You LOVE eating ice-cream bars. The funny thing is when you take a big bite and then start screaming because its too big. Am I a bad mom for thinking this?
- You are still nursing numerous times a day, and I love it.
- You can give hugs, kisses (big, sloppy open mouthed ones), high five, blow kisses, and wave!
- You LOVE baby dolls. LOVE them. Squeal loudly when we walk down the toy aisle.
- you are the biggest dancer! You love music so much, and you dance whenever you hear it, even if you're screaming!
- You HATE the cold, but you sleep with your feet out from under the covers.

You are perfect. Your toothless, dimpled grin lifts my heart. Your tiny hands patting my face make me smile, and your big open mouth kisses make my heart soar. Your little stubborn personality simultaneously makes me want to pull my hair out and kiss you all over. You will never take any crap from anyone, and I cannot express how happy I am because of that.

You have made me a better person. And on the days when I feel like a horrible Mommy, you lift your hands and cry for me, and I know that I'm not. I love that little "Mama! Mama!" that you mastered at 5 months.... and even when its said over and over, I still relish it every time.

I can wait to see the little girl, then the little lady you grow up to be. I can't wait to see your personality, and see where you go in life. Yet I cherish these baby moments SO much. You are growing so, so fast, and I feel like I'm missing it while I watch it rush by. You aren't a baby, you're a toddler... and I don't know when it happened. You are perfect, but its going to fast.

I want to wrap you up in a fuzzy blanket, snuggle up in bed, and never move. I want the giggles that take place when I nibble your neck or your ribs, or when I whisper "I bite... your neck" and you squeal and giggle... I want those giggles to be bottled, because that is true happiness. And it's true happiness I feel everytime I look in your blue/brown eyes.

I love you. More than you will ever, ever know.

Love, Mommy