So... for some unknown reason, I read through all my posts from Feb-April of last year.
Wow.
Can we say DEPRESSION? I was miserable!! No wonder Carl and I fought so much. We were both living in purgatory. That was a dark time for our marriage, and for me personally. I remember feeling so weighed down by school, by a pregnancy I was keeping secret, by the symptoms of said pregnancy, by fears I had about my marriage, and by my friends, who I had felt like had abandoned me.
Pure and simple... I was depressed. It took moving home(and getting out of school) to boot me out of that depression... but MAN. It was bad.
And now, I look at my life. While I'm down and depressed about my weight, I don't have the 99 other things weighing me down constantly. I'm free. I'm happy. I love my life right now. Sure, we may only have $20 in the bank account, or we may eat burnt roast for dinner... but it's OKAY!
I feel like I don't express my gratitude and my greatfulness for life enough. I feel like I don't share Keevia enough. I feel like I don't talk about my parenting choices enough... but its okay. Tomorrow's another day. And this year, I'm not depressed.
That's a good feeling.
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Its a great thing to not be depressed (Hey, I remember when your profile pic was taken...we were all in the pastor's office screaming that we forgot to put on lipstick! That was a great day).
ReplyDeleteI realized that I did alienate you last year after you got married. (except for Masterpieces of Christian Thought...ugh!!) All I can say is I'm sorry I wasn't there when you were depressed (but I think we all were last year) and I hope you don't return the favor this year :-)