Trying

There are times when I feel like I have no patience with my daughter. When all I want to do is sit down and have a flippin' cup of coffee without her whining to be held. When she's whined all day long, I haven't been able to fix it, and I'm sooooo stressed out I can barely think.

I am so lucky. I have SO much wonderful family support. Whenever I have one of those days, I can call my Mom and just beg "Can you take her for five minutes?" and Mom will come over and play while I retreat to the next room for a breather. And I come back refreshed.

Or I can beg Carl, fresh from working all day, as soon as he comes in the door, to me cooking and her screaming "Can you PLEASE take her in the living room until I'm done?" and he whisks her away and I can cook in peace (which cooking is a big de-stresser for me. I love it).

And I realize that not everyone has that help. I know there are ton of single parents out there who do it on their own. On the days when I don't have help for whatever reason, I feel a tiny taste of what they go through. I'm forever grateful for my support system.

But, if ever I need to feel better about my parenting, or feel better for losing my temper occasionally, I just have to go out in public. There are children out there that make my heart hurt down to my toes. I'm not opposed to discipline, and I'm not opposed to spanking... but these children have just been beaten down by life. Not just physically, but more emotionally. You know the ones, the ones that haunt you after you leave the store, when you see them, snot nosed, dirty clothes, crying just for their parental units attention. Those are the ones that hurt my soul.

I'm not writing to say I'm the perfect mother -- I'm not. I was "stumbling" on Stumbleupon.com today and I came across this great blog post from Single Dad Laughing. I skimmed most of it (because honestly? It's a little long and repetitive), but it was awesome. It made me think, and its made me aware of my attitude when dealing with my daughter.

All we can do is try, and I'm just going to try and be more aware while I try.