Monday, June 21, 2010

Happy Due Date Peanut

Dear Peanut,
One year ago today was your due date. I should have a one year old breathing into the baby monitor in the next room, and instead I have your almost 8 month old little sister. While I'm so, SO happy to have her, I still dream about you.

I can't wait to hold you in my arms one day, kiss your sweet face, and whisper "I know you". I'm sorry that I can't do that now, and I'm sorry that I'll never get to see you blow out your birthday candles. I wonder if I'll ever be able to go past this time of the year without that regret and pain looming over it... this was when I was due, when all my hopes and dreams were set, and when I had planned and prepared for for 12 weeks. In the scheme of a full pregnancy, that doesn't seem like a lot, but in the scheme of a year, it is. I had planned for June for so long that it's permenently etched in my mind. I see babies that would be about your age (many with June birthdays), and I think about you, and try to picture your sweet face. Were you a boy? Were you another girl? It kills me to not know you like I know your sister. To not be able to put that thought into it when I remember you.

I love you, my sweet, sweet baby. You will always be my first pregnancy, and the first one to make me a Mommy.

I'll see you soon.


No comments:

Post a Comment

I'd love to hear your questions or comments! Please, please, PLEASE make sure your email is listed in your profile, to PLEASE provide it here so I can respond to you! If you prefer, email me at divasmomblog @ gmail dot com!