Holy...

So... 36w Midwife appointment...

Everything goes normal (except that I leave my list of questions in the car). She does the Strep B screening, then does a quick (painful) internal.

I'd been asking about using Evening Primrose Oil, starting next week, both orally and internally. She told me she was fine with it, as long as I waited until next week.

She does the internal, pauses and goes "I don't think you're going to need the Evening Primrose Oil..." and then proceeds to tell me that I'm 50% effaced and 3cms dilated.

HOLY CRAP!!!!!!!!!

She said she may not see me at my next appointment (next Tuesday) as I may already have a baby by then. I realize fully that being this effaced/dilated doesn't really mean anything... and that I could still be pregnant on my due date...

But, these Braxton Hicks contractions are insane. I hadn't had them until yesterday... and I probably had 30-50 ones yesterday... maybe more. I also have a backache and rectal pressure.

So.. we're going to get groceries today... and get some lunch. I'm STARVING and there's no food in the house. Then, I need to accomplish the following in the apartment before the baby comes.

- clean the kitchen counters/stove
- sweep the kitchen
- vacuum the bedroom/hallway/living room
- clean the toilet/bathtub
- put up the 3 laundry baskets full of clothes and towels
- put up all the rest of the clothes in the bedroom that are just strown places
- pick up trash and straighten up the bedroom
- open the diapers/get the diaper basket ready
- take out trash

I think that's all. If I wanna get REALLY crazy... I need to take down the vents and vacuum them out.

We still need a humidifier for the apartment, as it is so freaking dry in here. I got pacifiers and sheets for the pack-n-play yesterday... and packed the hospital bags... we're about as ready as we're going to be.

Alright Keevia, come out whenever you're ready!

The one where my car got clean.

My car is notoriously known for being dirty.

This is not my fault.

When I eat in my car, I take the trash out with me. When I put something in my car, it comes out with me. Unfortunately, before I was married, and since becoming married, this has not been the case.

We cleaned the car out (mostly) last summer before embarking on our honey moon... however, I do not believe that it has been THIS spotless since I got it.

And what am I doing? Sitting on my butt writing a post about it while Mom and Carl finish cleaning it.

I know, I'm selfless.

They have a vacuum, windex, upholstery cleaner, and oxiclean.

All of this was started so that we could install the carseat....

Wait, woah, I'm going to have a carseat in my car, and I'm not babysitting? Holy shiz. This means I'm having a baby. In +/- a month.

*deep cleansing breaths*

Really, I'm actually quite excited. We go tomorrow for my 36 Week appointment, where they will do the Strep B screening, as well as my first internal. I'm cited!! Then, we go off to our natural birthing class at Baby Moon. I'm excited about that too!

And best of all? I'll be riding in style in a nice, clean car.

I waddle more than I walk

It's official. I'm in the last month of pregnancy. In less than 5 weeks, I will be holding my baby girl. That both excites me to death, and scares the crap out of me.

I have a HUGE to-do list, and I'm pretty down about it. I spent this last week at my parents house, which was nice and relaxing, but I feel like I should have been nesting. I feel like I have SO MUCH to get done before the baby gets here...

I had a reason for being at my parents. I was making hair-bows. My Mom is a crafter/quilter, and had a craft festival in Paintsville, KY this weekend. The hairbows I'd made for the Honey Festival did pretty well... So I made up another 50ish for this festival.

I. sold. five. yesterday.

It was a very depressing experience. It didn't help that there were at LEAST 8 hairbow booths in this festival, and under the same tent, on the SAME SIDE AS ME, was a booth with GORGEOUS bows. I normally think mine are prettier than most others (and they really are) but not this girls. Hers were absolutely gorgeous. *I* even bought off of her (not any bows mind you, just a pillowcase dress and headband for when baby is tiny). Now I feel like the last week was such a huge waste of time, when I should have been cleaning and taking care of my husband (who had to work 6 days in a row, more about that later). I just feel guilty.

Carl has been working at Liquor World for over a month now. He asked for Monday's off so that A) I could schedule my weekly appointments on those days. B) After Keevia comes, we could go visit his parents or my parents easier. His manager has it out for him, because Carl is a responsible adult, and makes more than his manager does (because his manager's child support payments get taken out of his check). Not only does he NOT have Mondays off, but he also didn't get ANY days off this past week. I felt horrible leaving him, but he said he'd feel better with me staying with my parents, and not being alone 8-9 hours a day.

So, I got pissed off when he called me on Saturday from his lunch break and told me about it. I got online and started filling out applications for him.

Monday, Lowe's in Winchester called and said he had an interview on Tuesday. He got the job, and now we're just waiting for a phone call from his drug test. I KNOW they said he had the job... but I so want that phone call to come NOW. He would make more money per hour, he would work fewer hours, and it would be better hours for us.

So... now we're just praying hard and harder. We'd appreciate if you would pray too!

DIY Maternity pictures to come. I know, you're excited.

My favorite things

Okay.. so I suck at updating. I know.

I decided to do a post of my favorite things, currently.

- The Dermatology episode of Grey's Anatomy. You have to be a true fan to understand, but I want to live on the Dermatology floor.

- Ice cold fountain Coke. Don't hate, I know it has caffeine.

- A clean living room and semi-clean kitchen.

- Netflix + Xbox 360 Live (for FREE for a month!) when we don't have/can't afford cable. This is how I'm watching the Dermatology episode of Grey's anatomy.

- Chocolate/Peanut Butter No Bake Cookies.

- Good books. Even though I seem to be having troubles finding one these days.

- Gold Bond Cream. Don't ask what its for, just realize it's a blessing.

- Butts that move around inside me, and feet or knees or elbows that manage to push their way out so that I can SEE them.

- Reading that a girl who miscarried the day before I found out I had, and is a month ahead of me in her pregnancy, is in false labor/true labor... or whatever, and will be meeting her son very soon!

- Baby clothes. Doesn't matter if its girl or boy... it's adorable.

- Etsy. I love Etsy.

- Husbands that clean the fridge out for me.

- Our apartment, now that I have put up pictures and it LOOKS like a home now... not a blank expanse.

- Days that my Hubby doesn't work, when we get to have a lot of "us" time, and I get to remember all the many, many reasons I love him to pieces.

- The fact that I am 33 weeks pregnant! I could be having a baby in 4-7 weeks... Oh. My. Dear. Lord.

- My recipe for Red, White and Green pasta... and you'll probably get it, along with my hashbrown casserole recipe, if it tastes as good as it looks!

Coming soon - Pictures of Keevia's corner of our room...and maybe some of our "new" apartment.

The end!

Broken.

Heartbreak comes in a variety of places, and in a variety of ways.

I'm sitting here, feeling my daughter swim around inside me, completely thankful for her life on a day-to-day basis.

Some people that I know (I met them through an ex-boyfriend and through a church camp, but I've maybe had 1-2 conversations with them ever) lost their baby daughter yesterday, she was around the same age as Keevia I believe, maybe a little younger.

I don't know what happened, I don't know the cause... but I have an inkling of the heartbreak that they are going through. I would not inflict that heartbreak on anyone. Period.

I think its worse the farther along in the pregnancy you are -- just from experience, I think I would be much more devastated if I lost a pregnancy in the third trimester than I was losing one in the first trimester, simply because I'm learning Keevia's personality, her likes and dislikes... I'm so deeply in love with her already... I felt the same way about our peanut, it just wasn't the same strength as these feelings. A problem with miscarriage though, is that I didn't connect with Keevia until I could feel her... whereas with Peanut I was much more into the pregnancy early on.

I feel so weird -- I don't know this couple very well at all, yet I am so, so, SO heartbroken for them. It's just an odd feeling, to hurt so badly for people who've only met a few times. I know, however, that they are broken, and they are needing.

Could you please just take a little time and say a quick prayer for them tonight? Simply ask that God wrap his arms around them, even tighter than they already all, and allow them to slowly see his plan in all of this.

If you like Outback's Cheddar Bacon Fries...

Dear Lord in Heaven above, I made the BEST FOOD EVER FOR LUNCH!

So, I was hungry, and needed to head to town (which, I still need to do, I had to post this first), and I decided that, so I didn't get sick, I'd make some food. I'm at that point in my pregnancy where NOTHING sounds good... but I have to force myself to eat. So, I was wondering what to make.

I decided to make a Hobo's dinner in a frying pan. What I came up with is a dish that tastes JUST LIKE Outback's Cheddar Bacon Fries.

1 Large Potato (or 2 small ones)
2 slices of bacon, diced up
Shredded cheese
Ranch

I microwaved the potatoes (I used 2 small ones) for 5 minutes, while I browned the bacon bits in a stainless steel pan. I then scooped out the bacon from the skillet, drained the oil (but left the good little brown bits) and drizzled a LITTLE bit of olive oil in the pan. I cut up the potatos, and then fried them (they were mostly done, this was just to add a little crunch.). Then, I took them out, sprinkled the bacon on top, sprinkled cheese on top of that, and put a little bit of home-made ranch on the side.

Tastes.Just.Like. Outback's fries!!!

OH MY WORD I'M THIRTY WEEKS PREGNANT

Dear Lord, I'm having a baby.

In 7-10 weeks.

*wheezes slightly*

Really though, I couldn't be more excited. I've really sucked at keeping up with this pregnancy, so I thought I'd do kind of a catch-up post.

- I have gained __ lbs so far (I'm going to check it in the morning and update).
- I have 2-3 stretch marks, that we're going to have pictures of tomorrow as well.
- I still haven't swollen yet! Woohoo!
- I have sciatica for a day or so, call my chiropractor, and then viola! No more Sciatica!
- I have her Porta-Crib up, her cloths organized (mainly) and her dresser and cube storage organized! I just need to get her cloth diapers made, and her shelf up so I can hang her clothes in it (and give Carl and I a little more closet room). I also need to put up the decorations over the changing table and over her porta-crib.
- I have her carseat, just have to install it!
- I already have her diaper bag packed for the hospital, with like 3 changes of clothes for her. Sad, I know.
- I still have 2 big boxes to go through to have our apartment completely unpacked, oh, and the toiletries from 2 large bathrooms that I have to condense into 1 TINY bathroom.
- It's getting to where it's very difficult to sit up in bed, or roll over in bed. AND for the first time since first trimester, I had to get up and pee in the middle of the night last night.

Keevia:

Oh, wait, did I ever divulge my daughters name? I don't know if I did or not.

Introducing!! (Well, you know, as much as I can)

Keevia Lynn! Her name, (pronounced KEY-VEE-AH) means beautiful, and Lynn means light. So, I will soon be giving birth to my Beautiful Light. I've been deeply in love with the name Keevia since I was about 10 years old... We were originally going to name her Mackenzie, but I decided that I knew too many Mackenzies, so, Carl said "Why don't we name her Keevia?" and I think I fell a little bit more in love with him. :)

So, on the Keevia front...

- This girl can MOVE! I thoroughly enjoy watching my belly jump and wiggle.
She's most active when I lay down, and apparently when Carl comes to bed after I've already been in bed and am asleep, she gives her Daddy a little show. I've woken up to him laughing, with his hands on my belly, on several occasions.
- She doesn't like it when she has the hiccups. She'll tolerate them for small amounts of time, and then she gets ticked at them, and starts punching and kicking me. We're going to have to learn how to express our feelings in less, ah, brutal ways.
- She calms if I sing to her (she particularly likes anything from "Chitty, Chitty, Bang, Bang" *sniffles* I knew I was going to love her). But, if I play "the flat game" she gets ticked, fast.
- She loves piano music, and goes crazy dancing when we're in church and our pianist plays big classical arrangements.
- She has her cute little tush shoved up in against my sternum, sometimes so much so that I can SEE it.
- Her feet stay lodged in my ribs, almost at all times, and when I gently push against them, she kicks me, hard.
- She's the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I could not be happier, or be more in love with her!


Mkay, I promise a belly picture, an updated weight (well, at least how much I've gained thus far) and stretch mark pictures tomorrow!

Go, Stop and Go, I just hear static...

First of all, you have to be a pretty big Backstreet Boy's fan to understand the title of this post. Special kudos may go to anyone who knows/figures out what this post should be titled, by telling me the name of the song that those lines come from!


Anyway.


So, what do you get when you put me and my husband standing in our darkened kitchen at around midnight thirty last night? Especially when my hubby had went to bed around 10:30?

You get the after results of my midnight panic attack.

I think I've been having them for a few weeks, and just chocking it up to hormones. I went to bed last night, totally fine. Then, as I was laying there, I just NEEDED to feel safe. I NEEDED Carl to hold me (hard for him to do when he's already asleep). I started crying, and probably cried for a good 20-30 minutes.

Irrational fear has taken a hold of my life, and I don't really know why, or how it's done it. Whenever my husband or my Mom travels from my parents house to the apartment, and I'm not in the car with them, I start panicking. Heck, when my hubby and I traveled up here from my parents house on Monday, I had a mild panic attack in the car because I was positive we were going to wreck and die. Wednesday night, when it was midnight twenty and Carl wasn't home from work yet, I started to panic again. And my panic attacks are not just centered around cars and driving.

I was researching immunizations last night, and I think that may be what tipped me off. Just reading about the side effects that some of them cause, and trying to make informed decisions about my daughters future health care, apparently pushed me over the edge, and caused me to panic. I also have them about finances, I have them about clutter in our apartment...

I have them about anything I can't control.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is what it all boils down to.

I, Shaina N., am a control freak. I didn't realize I had these qualities until a few short months ago, but I do. I feel the need to control everything in my life, and have it planned out to the minute details.

And ya know what? It's not been a big problem before, but now... oohh ho hoooo... Now, I'm due to give birth AROUND November 2nd. I don't have any inkling or idea where I'll be or when I'll go into labor. I PLAN on having a completely natural childbirth, but I can't control the circumstances surrounding her birth. I WANT a completely healthy baby, but I can't control that either.

So, I've recently been praying for peace, and for serenity. It helps, it calms my breathing and slows the tears, but I know that I now need to pray for God to take control, and then to relinquish that control. But you know what?

That's not easy.

I think that's the point though. I'm praying that by coming to this realization that it really is panic attacks, I'll be able to cut them off at the source. That, and I'm going to make an appointment to see my chiropractor and make sure no nerves are pinched...

But... I've come to realize I can't control everything, nor should I want to. Life throws us curveballs, gives us lemons, and sometimes just sucks, pure and simple... but God is in control, and always will be.

Kinda cool, huh?

A job, is a job, is a job...

We are finally living full time in our apartment.

Because Carl finally got a job!

Last Tuesday he put an application in at LiquorWorld and then on Thursday, after an interview, he got the job!

And there was much rejoicing!

He's still settling in to the job and the work, but it looks as if its successfully going to pay the bills. Which is all we were asking for.

In pregnancy news, this little lady is a mover and a shaker, and a squirmer. It constantly amazes me in how I can feel her little limbs swimming under my skin. I have an alien inside of me.

I have Braxton Hicks rather regularly, but not enough for concern, thankfully. Just enough for anonyance.

I am absolutely bone tired right now, and desperately need a nap. Carl's working a shift that causes him to get off very late, which causes me to stay up late with him. My sleep pattern is off majorly.

Also, them morning sickness that plagued me the entire first trimester is back with a vengence. I've discovered Ginger capsules though, and they seem to help.

Speaking of ginger, I'm off to take some... see if that makes it better!

Mmmm...

I made Lasagna yesterday. And it was good.

The End.

.....

Oh, wait, what? You want my personal recipe?

You mean the one I made up LAST time I made lasagna, that made my husband fall at my feet and worship me? That one?

Well... I guess....

Since you asked so nicely.

WARNING: Making this Lasagna one time will cause you to never want anyone elses lasagna ever again, unless its your Grandma's.

Shaina's Stupendous Spinach Lasagna
You will need:
Oven Ready Lasagna Noodles (or, the regular ones, you'll just have to follow the instructions on the box)
Hamburger (I prefer ground chuck)
Italian Sausage (2 links)
1 Box of Frozen Spinach
Cottage Cheese
Cream Cheese
Shredded Cheese of your choice, 1 package (I prefer mozzarella, or Colby Jack)
1 jar of spaghetti sauce of your choice (maybe even a big jar and a little jar, last nights was a little dry because of the oven ready noodles).
Various spices and stuff which I'll mention in the recipe.

Start off by browning the hamburger. Using a knife, run it down the sausages and cutting open the casings. Peel the meat out, and add it to the hamburger, continue to brown, making sure to crumble it all up. Add (these are optional), garlic, onions, italian seasonings, and a LITTLE bit of salt. Once the Hamburger/Sausage is browned, drain the excess fat/oil from the pan, then add the spaghetti sauce and let simmer.

While the hamburger is browning, defrost your box of spinach. Drain well. Add the spinach to a bowl, then add in 2-3 large tablespoons of cream cheese, 1-2 large tablespoons of cottage cheese (or ricotta if you prefer, I just don't like ricotta), and half the bag of shredded cheese. Mix well.

Start off with a layer of sauce, then cheese, then noodles. Repeat till you run out of cheese and sauce. End with the rest of the shredded cheese on top, with a little bit of italian seasoning sprinkled on top. I baked it in a 375ish oven (I don't really remember...) for 45 minutes. The noodles were tender, and the cheese was wonderfully brown!

Theoretically you should let it set for about 15 minutes to cool a little, but in reality we dug into it as SOON as it was out of the oven yesterday...

Enjoy!

Hey, if you make it, and like it, send me a shout to let me know!

Shaina