Tuesday, December 9, 2008


I survived Feast.

If, by surviving, I mean to say that yesterday, after 3 hours of clean up, I went to bed at 9:30 PM and was successfully asleep by 10:00 PM, then yes. I survived.

I miss it. Today's only the second day we haven't performed, and I miss it. I could perform year round and be happy. That should be my job, performing. But, my want to be a mother is stronger than that.

I have some weird cold, or something, I'm stuffy, I have sores on the inside of my mouth, and on Saturday, about 6 PM, I had morning sickness again. Or, thats what it felt like. In reality it was nausea that correlated with the bug I had, but it felt, for all the world, like morning sickness.

This made me realize that I actually MISS morning sickness. I miss that feeling! I miss everything about being pregnant. Blair, at The Heir to Blair, spoke several posts ago about people asking her what she wants for Christmas, and I feel the exact same way that she does. Empty. I hate that answer, because my answer is very simple. I want my baby back.

While cleaning up for Feast yesterday, Dr. D gave away all the Christmas trees in the foyer, because he's buying new ones next year. This means that Carl and I are now the proud owners of a pre-lit four foot Christmas tree! Actually, I think it may be three foot, but whatever. I went to the Dollar General store yesterday and purchased some ribbon and dinky decorations, but at least it looks Christmasy! It's growing on me, and I'm beginning to really like it. I'll post pictures tomorrow.

My first final is tomorrow, and I'm a little bit worried about it. It's open note though, and a wonderful friend who is much better at note taking than I has emailed me all 35 pages of his notes. Now, tomorrow, when I get up, I just have to discover which notes are relevant and print them out. The final is at 1. Then I'm off to work for Dr. Knight for a few hours. Gag. Then, I simply MUST do homework. No sims. No tv. No book. Homework.

Still to-do:
2 Forums
1 Paper (History of Missions)
Memorize Bible Verse (PRIORITY!!)
Study for Bible Test (EEK THATS WEDNESDAY!)
Paper over 1984 (EEK!)
Read Cliff Notes (DOUBLE EEK!!!)

Okay, breath. I can do this.

Please, if you're religious. Pray for Carl and I. Until Mom puts Carls check in the bank, I can't pay rent, and until we get paid on Thursday, I can't get gas or pay Carl's cellphone bill. Pray that the check on Thursday will be a decent one, and allow us to go to see his parents and meet our new nephew, Aaron. He was born on December 5th, and I know we're both excited!

I'm hoping it doesn't bother me to meet this baby... I don't think it will, because I'm too excited about it. Carl and I will have children. This just wasn't in God's timing. If I hadn't miscarried, I would never have learned about Trisomy 18 or 13 (neither of which my baby had, but through blogger I found blogs of people who had lost their children, and some of those children had this disorder). I'm slowly healing, and as I heal, I think it's time to re-start "Booties for Cuties" but maybe it's time for a revamp. I'll worry more about this over Christmas break.

Pray for Carl and My finals tomorrow! Poor guy has one at 8 am!!! *gags*


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