Saturday, January 22, 2011


In the past, I've blogged about not being enough. I've blogged about trying to be the best mom I can be. I've blogged about how being a mom isn't easy. I don't really want to rehash those tonight.

But I'm still feeling that way. My dishes are piled up. There are two laundry baskets of clean clothes to be put away in my bedroom. I had to fight with Miss Priss for an hour to get her to go to sleep.

I know that I am enough. I know that I am loved. I know that, at some point, every mother feels what I'm going through.

I've noticed that whenever I post these posts, or I begin to feel this way, is when I have to fight Keevia over sleep. Over the months, she has usually been a great sleeper. Sometimes it's just the GETTING to sleep that's the issue.

Usually Carl can give me a breather, but tonight he's sick. So he's not handling the baby much. She had been doing SO WELL laying down with Mommy. She'd even go to my bed and go "Night night?" But the past couple of days she just wants to pop up into a sitting position every few seconds, and then crawl (well, her version of crawl, which really looks like a beached whale) all over the bed, until finally she'd collapse from exhaustion. Last night I couldn't take it anymore (after 40 minutes mind you), got up, strapped her in the mei tei carrier, and started making cinnamon rolls from scratch.

She was asleep in five minutes.

I don't know how they manage it, but little ones can find the one way to frustrate you in almost any situation. I was all "YAY!!! She's asleep!!" While simultaneously "OH. MY. GOSH. Are you KIDDING me?" that it took all of five minutes.

So tonight, I was just done. I was so frustrated with her fighting sleep so much, that I sat in my chair in the living room and rocked her for an hour-hour and a half. She screamed probably 75% of the time. I'm not okay with CIO (alone, in a room by themselves) but I am okay with in-arms crying. Mainly because she's just pissed, and I'm there comforting her, and meeting her needs. I rocked, sang, gave her her sippy, paci, sang, rocked... etc. She finaaaaaaaaaaaaally gave it up and went down.

She has two teeth coming through, which I know is part of the problem. I'm trying to get through these teeth one day at a time, and I'll reassess when we get through them.

I'm fighting to not feel upset. To not feel inadequate. Every parent has rough days, and every parent has struggles. I'm choosing to look at the bright side. She's sleeping now, and I had enough time to change over the laundry.

Maybe tomorrow I'll tackle the clean clothes.


  1. You ARE a good mom!! I can tell by the way you write about your daughter than you love her dearly. It does get easier. I feel like I'm never quite able to spend enough quality time with my kiddos. I pray one day they realize how much I love them. Hang in there. ( hugs)

  2. I hate those days because they are really draining & very tiring. Yes we all have them but I am sorry that you had yours today!! Hope tomorrow is a better day & that those darn teeth pop through VERY soon!!

  3. I stopped reading to comment and give you a :HUG: Everyone always asks me how I do it....well, lol sometimes I don't.

    If you had walked in my living room today you wouuld have found all of Conner's toys all over the living room mixed in with the laundry basket of our cloth diaper stash mixed in because Conner decided he wanted to use the laundry basket to sit in. :sigh: Did I mention there is a hamper of folded baby clothes that needs put away and a hamper of my clothes that still needs folded? Dinner dishes are still out as is the food that I cooked that needs put in the refrigerator and the dishwasher needs unloaded and reloaded. And I still need to finish washing diapers and steam cleaning the carpet where Conner peed and spilled grape soda.

    Do you feel better yet?

    The good things are that I had a fabulous shower, my hair looks nice, I feel good and my babies are changed, dressed for bed, and fed. Oh and Casey for once isn't grouchy. The people who mind that your house is messy don't matter, and the people who matter understand. :)


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