Monday, February 21, 2011

Body Image

I have a horrible body image.

Well, no. That's not true. When there are no mirrors around, I feel GREAT in my body. My thighs bug me sometimes, but other than that... I have no issues with my body.

Then I see a mirror, and my whole world crumbles.

When we stay at my in-laws for visits, there is a mirror there that expresses how I feel on a daily basis. This mirror, which hangs above the bathroom sink, can give optical illusions. If you stand JUST RIGHT when turned to the side, it makes you look skinny. When I stand there, looking at myself in the mirror, I realize that how I look there is how I see myself. Then I take a step forward, or a step back, and realize how I really look to everyone else.

Blair said it best today, excuse me while I quote:
"On the flip side, I struggle with not becoming complacent in my body. I want to embrace my curves & accept the hips that could put J. Lo to shame, but I don’t want to use it as an excuse to the let the size in my jeans slowly crawl upwards. & so I struggle to find balance between positive body image but not settling."

That is me to a T. I don't want to be a size six, but I'd love to be a twelve. I don't want to look good in a bikini, but I'd love to be confident enough to wear a bathing suit.

I last weighed in at 246. And to be honest, I don't know what I weigh now. Last weekend we spent 10 hours in the car in 2 days. We ate fast food 2-3 times a day for two days. I tried to make healthier choices, but I failed a little. I had coke (when I had been SO GOOD).

Right now I'm making realistic choices. I don't buy coke or pop for the house. I don't buy it when I'm out. When Carl and I are out together, I'm okay with sharing a coke with him.

I'm still trying to up my water intake, and failing miserably. I KNOW I would feel better if I did.

I'm eating a biiiiiig salad for lunch everyday. I dress the salad with 1 tablespoon of extra virgin olive oil and lemon juice. I'm also starting to do a diabetic(I'm not diabetic but I am insulin resistant) with my mom on a daily basis.

The weather here has been much warmer, and I plan on enjoying it. Walks are in our future.

Small steps. I'm getting there.


  1. You are beautiful! I think, as women, we all struggle with body image... I know I do. I know I always will... it sucks. Since I know there isn't hope for me, I try to focus on positive vibes for my daughter. I want her to be comfortable with her body and to be confident. She completely devastated me when at the ripe age of 3 she looked at herself sideways in my mirror, and said, "I'm so fat. Look at that but." Since then, I am extremely cautious as to what I do or don't say regarding my own body.

  2. Read the book "Skinny Chicks Don't Eat Salads" by Christine Avanti. The book explains a way of eating that includes carbs and the every day foods that people love, including candy, and things of that nature while boosting your metabolism. It doesnt promise you that you will lose 30lbs a month or anything like that. Its just a realistic way to help with weight loss.

  3. Shaina,

    You are a beautiful woman. Carl loves you. That's all that matters.

    Nothing wrong with setting an attainable goal on weight but don't judge yourself by what you see in the mirror - because I know what you see and what Carl see are very different.

    Emilie doesn't have a supermodel body but she is the most beautiful woman in the world to me. And that includes physically. That body is a result of cooking for me, bearing my child, and without getting too gross - is fully and completely satisfying to my wants and desires physically.

    And on top of that she is the most amazing woman I know spiritually and emotionally. We fit so well together and we share so many of the same thoughts values and focus. Sure we might argue here and there...but for the most part we are on the same page.

    I am sure that Carl thinks the same about you!

  4. One simple thing that has helped me drink A LOT more water is just getting a big 32oz. water bottle and carrying it around with me. It's just easier to see how much you're drinking and think "ok, I need to finish this one. Ok, I need to finish one more." When I see how much I'm drinking it's much easier to stick to my goal. I like the Nalgene bottles ($10 or $12 is a lot for a water bottle but since I have lost/broken/melted in the dishwasher every cheap water bottle I have ever bought, it's been worth it.)


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