Monday, February 7, 2011

The Dilemma of the SAHM

I've found something out about our culture that really bothers me.

Whenever I go places with my husband, and see people we haven't seen in a while, I get asked the same question.

"Are you working anywhere?"

Right now I answer:

"I'm freelancing right now, but I'm about to start subbing at a local school."

The response? EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

"OH!!! That's wonderful! I'm glad you're finally starting to work!"

I don't want to work. I don't want to leave my 15 month old at home with my Mom. I don't have ambitions beyond raising my children and keeping my house. Does this make me a bad person? No! I don't belittle the mothers who DO have ambitions. I don't hate on the moms that DO work full time or part time... this is NOT a "I'm superior because I stay at home with my kids" post.

I just think that it is so sad that our society thinks that a mom HAS to work. For the Moms that want to? Great! But for those of us who WANT to stay home. Who realize what a full time job it is. Who want to home-school our kids. Who HAD children so we could cram in as much time with them as possible? It's demeaning. It makes us feel like we aren't worth anything to society when A) We aren't working or B) We don't WANT to work.

It's not that I want to sit on my rear-end all day and watch soap operas. On the contrary. I want to write. I want to craft with my daughter. I want to be able to take her to the lake and show her the ducks on a Tuesday. I want to be able to take off with my Mom to Lexington whenever I want. I want to be able to have dinner on the table as an act of love and not an act of responsibility when my husband gets home work from. I want to be able to cuddle a sick baby all day. I want to be home.

Yet society dictates that I need to work. It dictates that I'm not being fruitful unless I hold down a job of some sort. And that irks me. It bothers me. Frankly, it pisses me off.

Financially, I DO need to work right now. And I'm okay with it. Not happy about it, but okay with it. I'll manage. But I'd rather stay home, and I would love that, in the future, if I were to answer the question with:

"No, I'm not planning on working anywhere right now. I'm just staying home with the kids"

That I would still get the same enthusiastic response.


  1. Its funny isn't it, how quickly our culture went from demonizing/ostracizing the woman who works to demonizing/ostracizing the stay at home mom? This is why I roll my eyes when feminazis complain about discrimination. They control the dialogue, fer Chrissakes.

    Anyway, I think being a SAHM is a great thing, and I WISH I could find a girl who wants to be one and who feels the same way about public schools that I do. I need to quit dating education majors eh?

  2. Bottomline is who cares what they think? I choose to stay home with Kelly all day, and yes I work from home, but I choose to stay up all night doing it instead of wasting the time I have with her during waking hours. You know in your heart why you are doing it and you will go through this life with something much more valuable then a paycheck spent on a babysitter or child care. You are going to be able to watch and partcipate in your child growing up to the fullest instead of hearing about it from someone else who sees her as a dollar sign. When people ask what are you doing for work simply say "I have made the choice to raise my child instead of letting someone else do it."

  3. What a woman chooses to do with her life is her God-given RIGHT, and not something that someone else should dictate. Not one person will tell me how to raise my children or tell me I need to have a job making as much as my husband. I decide those things.

    Good for you in taking a hand in Keev's future. She will be a better woman for it.

  4. I too want to be a SAHM and home school. I praying that I can when we have children.

  5. I'm with you here. I really wish I could be a SAHM. Financial responsibilies I committed to prior to having my daughter make it impossible. If I could go back and redo it, I would. Bottom line, you're right, what you decide to do should be your decision and, as mothers, we really shouldn't pass judgement on each other. I've seen this happen to both SAHM's and full-time career moms. Why are we so hard on each other?

  6. I understand that. I totally admire those who can stay at home with their kids (mom or dad) because I know that I'm not strong enough to do it! Keep on doing what you need to do and I hope that you can be a full-time SAHM again soon!

  7. Too funny, I was just having this conversation. I've never wanted a career or envisioned myself as a career woman, I always wanted to be a mom. I've struggled with this for many years and as a result have been unenthusiastic with most of my jobs.

    I used to think wanting to be a mom was just a co-out for not wanting to work hard or be super competitive in the real world, but I'm starting to realize none of this is true. Sure, I'm not designed to want to climb my way to the top and work 80 hours a week, but being a mom is a way more intensive job and you know what? It's the most important job in the world.

    The world needs more compassionate, educated, and accepting people. Period. Being a great mom helps to ensure that.

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