Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Dealing with grief

I've blogged numerous times before about my miscarriage. One of the key ways I dealt with grief was through blogging, and through connecting with other miscarriage survivor mommas. Some of which I'm friends with on facebook, some of which I still follow their blogs. I miscarried in December of 2008. As I've began traveling the roads of miscarriage blogs again, I feel my heart just weighted down.

It's so hard. It's so hard to read these blogs and not sob (and I usually end up sobbing) to know the pain their going through, and I'm going to offer them a blanket??? Am I crazy? Even two years later I feel the pain. The heart-wrenching, soul slicing, horrific pain that losing a pregnancy causes. And I feel so deeply for these women.

Maybe it's going to be good for me. I know I've not fully processed or mourned my loss. Maybe by mourning the losses of others, I'll mourn my own. Silly to think that after two years I haven't mourned enough, but its true. There's a girl who I used to go to church with who has a daughter born very close to my due-date. Whenever I see them out and about in town, my heart always hurts a little. Even though I have an almost 16 month old, I'm also supposed to have an 20 month old.

Before Christmas, I happened in on a Christian bookstore that was selling Willowtree at 50% off. After procuring my husband a Christmas present (as all our Willowtree was kind of Mom centered before that), I happened upon a little figurine I had never seen before. It was an angel holding the hands of a baby learning to walk. Tears immediately began flowing down my face. Keevia was just learning to walk at the time, and I knew I HAD to have that figurine. Right now it sits on our mantle, in between the figurine holding a lamb, and the 2 figurines holding an infant that I got for mothers day. The placement is perfect.

Grief isn't something that goes away, even for someone who "just had a miscarriage". If you have a friend or family member who has had a miscarriage in the past, please be sensitive. Even if they have living children, they still mourn the loss of their angel children, no matter how privately. Respect their pain, and be careful the words that you say.

Dealing with grief is forever.


  1. Shaina, I had a totally different way of processing miscarriage. I hope you don't mind if I post it here. It occurred to me several years ago that if I hadn't miscarried, I wouldn't have my Judah. I miscarried 1 year (almost to the day) before he was born. There would have been a different first-born in our family, and it wouldn't have been Judah. I'm grateful every day that God gave him to us first. His calm, stable personality has been a wonderful balance with his slightly crazier siblings. I can't imagine life without him and I can never regret what happened the year before he was born.

  2. I mourn my 4 angel children all the time and especially for the siblings my beautiful boy will not have the opportunity to grow up with, but it is true. God has His plan, and sometimes we never know why, but must Glorify and Thank Him for all things. The tough or bad things are for our good, too.
    Shaina I especially like what you said about how we privately mourn even if we have children and be careful what words you use. This is so true! I try to remember this for myself when I interact with others. One never knows what a person is struggling with in life. Kat


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