Happy Valentines Day Sweetheart!

I have always been a creative writer. I found a story not too long ago that I wrote in like the third grade. It had to do with rats and outer-space. It was ROCKSTAR let me tell you. I wrote all through high school as well, always having ideas running around in my head. If you knew me in college, and had classes me with, you probably saw my dutifully taking notes, right? Yeah, I was probably working on a story, or an idea for a story. I have almost zero notes to show for my 4 years of college.

But I don't write poetry. I suck at it. Like, really, really bad.

But I wrote poetry in high-school. Not a lot, but probably around 15 poems. Mainly centered around the boy-who-stole-my-first-kiss (who shall remain nameless!) and Carl, and all the angst and teenage lovesickness that follows any high-school love interest.

I had Carl dig out some boxes of books from the shed last week, so I could try and do the Buyback thing on Amazon. In doing so, I uncovered some journals, and one of those journals had all of my high-school poetry in it. Including the poem I wrote to Carl that got our entire relationship started. I'd like to share that with you today, and have it saved a bit more permanently.

BACKSTORY:
When we were in high school, Carl and I were both members of the worship band. We'd went to freshman prom together as friends. In December, at my best friends sleepover, I was sitting on the couch. Carl's sister was sitting at my feet. I don't remember what we were doing, but I do remember her looking up at me all of a sudden, and going "You know my brother is in love with you, right?"

No. I didn't. I had no idea (I think I've been oblivious like that for years!). We went to prom together as friends. We hung out a lot. But I had no EARTHLY idea he liked me.

Fast forward to Valentines Day. I went with said best friend to the Valentines Day Dance at her school. I danced with a couple of people, and had a good time. Suddenly, "All My Life" came on. I looked across the cafeteria, and there was Carl, pantomiming that he was dancing with someone. Without thinking, I ran across the cafeteria and slid into his arms.

A few dances later, he saved me from dancing with someone I REALLY didn't want to by saying I was 'his girl' and then leading me out on the floor again. Suddenly, I was feeling things I had never felt for him.

I remember sitting on the steps, leading out of the school, waiting for my mom (or his mom, I don't remember) to come get one of us. It was just me, Carl, and Julie, and we just sat there and talked. Suddenly, all these feelings I didn't know I had, came bubbling to the surface.

I'm very shy when it comes to boys, so of course I couldn't come out and say I liked him. So I wrote this poem, and I laid it on his drums before praise-band rehearsal. I didn't sign it. After the rehearsal, we talked on MSN messenger (OLD SCHOOL) and he asked if I knew who had written it. He thought another girl (who was in praiseband) had written it, but I fessed up. He asked me out, and I said I'd have to "think on it" and I'd give him my answer the next day. The next day I said yes. We started dating on March 22nd, 2003.

Survival
Silence in the night,
Tenderness unheard of,
A whisper in the dark,
My words are never heard.

A scream inside my head,
Will never be sounded,
I cover it up with the feelings I don't posses.

Whisper in my ear,
Tell me how I feel,
My eyes burn with tears left uncried,
I can't understand what I'm feeling inside.

I want to push it all away,
I don't want to hurt you,
I want you to understand,
I love you a little, but not quite enough.

I fear of breaking your heart -- not mine,
For mine has been broken before.
I'm afraid of swerving, when you'll stay so true.
I'm so very afraid of hurting you.

I don't know what I'm going to do,
I know I'll try to get over you.
I know you wish for something more,
But maybe someday you'll really know.

I care about you more than I understand,
And I don't know how to express it.
I want to just be your friend,
But I don't know how long I can take it.

Romantic, huh?

Happy Valentines Hubby. I love you more than life itself. Thank you for being there for me every single day. Thank you for vacuuming, and giving K a bath. Thank you for being THE most patient and understanding husband in the world. I love you.