Tuesday, March 22, 2011

It clicked.

Blair spoke a few weeks ago about how her weight loss clicked. I thought that mine had. I was wrong. 
It clicked this weekend. It clicked when I saw this picture. It clicked when I didn't recognize that person in the picture because she's surrounded by fat. I want to love that picture, because it's a wonderful family portrait. But I can't love it. Because I look so different from what I feel in that picture. 

It clicked. 

Right after we snapped that photo, I glanced through the pictures on my viewfinder. I almost audibly gasped . That is what I look like? I thought to myself. That's what people see when they look at me? I don't feel that fat. I feel skinny sometimes... I'm in denial. I managed to hold it together until we got up to the car, and then I just started crying. My wonderful husband was straight with me. Crying won't solve anything. DOING will. 

So I went grocery shopping. I purchased some Lean Cuisine meals for lunches (portion controlled, calorie controlled... not the best I know, but I need structure right now), lots of veggies, and nothing really bad. I'm making out a plan for myself, and the main thing I'm going to do is EXERCISE. 

My food plan is this:
Breakfast Options:
Cereal (portion controlled, healthy cereal. I've never liked sugary cereals). 
Oatmeal & Fruit
Eggs & Fruit

Lunch Options:
Lean Cuisine
Salad (dressed with oil & lemon juice) 
Tuna Sandwich (limited mayo, whole wheat bread only)
PB Sandwich 

Dinner Options:
Child's plate of whatever I fix the hubby (usually a healthy option anyway). 

Snack Options:
Guacamole & Veggies
PB & Grapes 

I'm allowed 1 cheese serving a day. 
I'm not drinking anything but milk, water, coffee, or juice. 
I'm either Zumbaing, Walking or Shredding every day. 
I'm taking it 24 hours at a time.
I'm purchasing a new water bottle and working up to 120 ounces a day. 
I'm limiting computer use to 1 hour during the day. After the sun goes down I can get on, but when the sun is up and I should be doing other things, it's an hour. 

I know we're trying to get pregnant, but honestly? I may not be able to until I lose some of this weight. Weight and PCOS are not friends. So, even if I DO get pregnant, I'm going to keep up this regime. Because it would be the best for the baby, and for myself. I only gained 24 lbs with Keevia, and then lost it all right after I had her. Then I ballooned up to 249, which is where I am now. So, right now I'm working on getting down to 214. That would be where I was before I got pregnant with Keevs. After that I'll work towards 200lbs (where I was before I miscarried), then 180 (where I was in college). I'd be perfectly happy at 180. 

It clicked today. I'll make it click tomorrow.


  1. 185 is my goal weight, it's what I weighed before I had Sadie. You'll get there, good luck!

  2. Good for you! You can do it! Hubs recently lost about 30 pounds, and it too was spurred by a picture of himself. That and the fact that his parents lost collectively 175 pounds last year. You will never ever regret doing good by your body. Keep up the great work!

  3. Good Luck!!! Sending skinny wishes your way! I too am starting another battle with my bulge. We're planning invitro again soon, and want to do everything I can to ensure success...

  4. I know what you mean about still "feeling skinny" sometimes, and then seeing a picture and being like "who is that?!"

    You're definitely off to a great start! Good luck!

  5. Hi Shaina,
    Thank you for leaving such a thoughtful comment on my blog. I'm sorry for your loss, too. I think it's so wonderful that you have started Rows for Remembrance. I am sure you will bring healing to the hearts of many. I will have to go back and look around your website to see how I can help. I can donate yarn, perhaps? I don't have anything to remember my two little ones by...most who miscarry in the early weeks rarely do. Perhaps an ultrasound photo, but that's it. A blanket..that's such a wonderful idea.
    God bless you :)

  6. Go for it, you got this girl! Take it one day at a time. xo


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